Are you having trouble explaining to your husband what you're going through when you don't really understand it yourself? Midlife transition is both disruptive and scary, creating havoc in otherwise stable relationships.
I hear from dozens of men, "My wife is having a midlife crisis and I don't know what to do!" Past hurts, dimmed hopes, and shattered dreams can send some midlife women into a panic and others into a deep depression. Are your pent up feelings pushing your husband away? I know that you're going through a confusing and frightening time as you're grieving the past and trying to plan for the future, but you need to communicate openly with your partner what you're going through. In most cases, the man in your life wants to help! He loves you and wants to be there for you, but can't understand why you're pushing him away.
This past week, I received an email from a woman that wrote:
"I never knew that a female could have a mid-life crisis. I thought only males went through that! I am 44 years old and have been acting totally out-of-character for me. Recently, I have made some poor choices in my life that have affected everybody that I care about and have almost ruined my marriage of 17 years. When I read about Bring It On!, I felt like you were explaining my life to everyone. I want to order it so I can understand what is happening to me and get my life back on track."
Whether or not you're actually starting to experience perimenopausal symptoms, the hormonal imbalances in your body at this time in your life are likely at the very least to cause unwanted emotional changes. Reassure your guy that he is not to blame for these sudden outbursts or prolonged periods of introspection. Advise him that you may require extra attention, love and outward expressions of care more now than ever before.
Your husband also needs to be aware that a decrease in estrogen in your body can significantly alter how you think and feel about sex. Don't use this as an excuse to ignore his physical needs, however. You just need to talk about all of these changes as a couple and find ways to compensate for the changes both of you may be experiencing.
3 comments:
I also, am the husband of a woman who is going through a midlife transition.
The last year has been tough, I stand by her, and show my love, but I do nothing right. It's been extremely hard.
I am being blamed for the problems. How do you broach the topic of midlife issues, with someone who you think is going through them w/o getting your head cut off.
I cannot agree more with both comments. My wife of 20 years is out there trying to find herself. She moved out in March 06 - her birthday. When we are together everything appears great. She is focused on herself and is losing weight. She is happier and is out engaing all her friends of her past. It appears she is moving on and leaving me behind. Really not sure whether to move on myself, or stay and continue to support her. COnfused.
Wow, I never knew how many people are going through this! I am a women going through this midlife transition and would like to encourage the men to be with your wife right now and not try to fix it. Its so frustrating when the man is trying to fix it when we don't know what the problem is, be loving and patient, trust me!
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