Don't Let Your Midlife Crisis Ruin Your Marriage!

Are you having trouble explaining to your husband what you're going through when you don't really understand it yourself? Midlife transition is both disruptive and scary, creating havoc in otherwise stable relationships.

I hear from dozens of men, "My wife is having a midlife crisis and I don't know what to do!" Past hurts, dimmed hopes, and shattered dreams can send some midlife women into a panic and others into a deep depression. Are your pent up feelings pushing your husband away? I know that you're going through a confusing and frightening time as you're grieving the past and trying to plan for the future, but you need to communicate openly with your partner what you're going through. In most cases, the man in your life wants to help! He loves you and wants to be there for you, but can't understand why you're pushing him away.

This past week, I received an email from a woman that wrote:
"I never knew that a female could have a mid-life crisis. I thought only males went through that! I am 44 years old and have been acting totally out-of-character for me. Recently, I have made some poor choices in my life that have affected everybody that I care about and have almost ruined my marriage of 17 years. When I read about Bring It On!, I felt like you were explaining my life to everyone. I want to order it so I can understand what is happening to me and get my life back on track."

Whether or not you're actually starting to experience perimenopausal symptoms, the hormonal imbalances in your body at this time in your life are likely at the very least to cause unwanted emotional changes. Reassure your guy that he is not to blame for these sudden outbursts or prolonged periods of introspection. Advise him that you may require extra attention, love and outward expressions of care more now than ever before.

Your husband also needs to be aware that a decrease in estrogen in your body can significantly alter how you think and feel about sex. Don't use this as an excuse to ignore his physical needs, however. You just need to talk about all of these changes as a couple and find ways to compensate for the changes both of you may be experiencing.

Hot Flashes Cause Insomnia? Really?

News Flash: Women who suffer hot flashes, especially severe hot flashes, often have trouble sleeping, a new study confirms. Do we really need a study to tell us that?

Seriously, does it take a rocket scientist to make the connection between waking up in a puddle with having difficulty sleeping? Supposedly as many as 85 percent of women going through menopause experience hot flashes. The study says, "Because these unpleasant sensations of intense heat and sweating can occur at night, their presence has been frequently linked to insomnia in menopausal women. As the severity of hot flashes increases, so does the insomnia." Duh!

What relief have you found for hot flashes?

Fading Memory? Make Lists!

"Like it or not, our memory starts eroding from middle age," says University of Toronto psychologist, Fergus Craik. But it's not all bad news. While memory for specific events declines from your 40's on, other types of memory -- well-known words, facts and ideas, and telephone numbers -- can hold up well with advancing age. The key is to make use of lists, calendars, and other prompts to help you stay on track.

What tips have you found useful for improving your memory or coping with memory loss?

Stress Major Contributor to Wrinkles & Weight Gain

Apparently, nagging, unfinished tasks are a major contributor to stress causing wrinkles and weight gain. In other words, my "To Do List" is the culprit behind my sagging skin and cellulite!

So how do we keep from feeling so overwhelmed?

Anyone that knows me well is aware that I'm a raving fan of FlyLady (a.k.a. Marla Cilley, author of Sink Reflections). FlyLady has gone so far as to proclaim every Wednesday as "Anti-Procrastination Day." Personally, I think I will need an entire week, but haven't figured out yet how to get the world to stop long enough so that I can catch up!

Seriously, it's important to set aside regular time each week to face the projects you've been putting off. For me, the tasks that top my list are anything that require me to use technology that I'm unfamiliar with. It's healthy though to recognize your fears and face them head on. Step out of your comfort zone and commit to 15 minutes fully focused on the task you've been putting off. FlyLady says, "You can do anything for 15 minutes!" Chances are that by limiting the amount of time you feel committed to doing the dreaded task, the more likely you will keep on going until the task gets completed.

But what do you do when the backlog is so immense that you don't know where to begin? Break it down into baby steps. Write them down in a logical sequence and then schedule time for each one on your calendar. You'll probably never totally "catch up," but eventually you'll accomplish the important items on your list and either delegate or, if possible, skip the rest of them. Sometimes we're guilty of doing things that are not a priority and feel overwhelmed because we've over scheduled our lives.

Another way to reduce stress is to learn to relax. I think about work most of the time and have trouble "shutting off" that part of my brain. I have to force myself to relax, either by spending time alone (stretching, reading, praying) or spending time with family and friends. But when I do, I invariably enjoy the "downtime" and discover that I'm able to return to my work refreshed and rejuvenated with more mental clarity and an increased level of creativity. Now I have the added benefit of slowing down the aging process as well. Hey, I think it's time for another day off!

Treat Yourself Right: Take Time to Peel the Oranges!

In my ongoing effort to lose weight, I've been noticing the difference between how thin people eat compared to those of us that are always trying to shed a few pounds. Here's what I've observed: When faced with cake, cookies, or chips, women who appear to be "naturally thin" are able to enjoy a bite or two and then stop while I, on the other hand, have great difficulty ignoring an open bag of M&M's. In fact, there's times of the month when I'll seek out my favorite comfort foods like a heat-seeking missile!

Did you ever notice how the experts alway say to keep that stuff out of the house? That's great if you live alone, but I have four teenagers. What am I to do? That mere fact alone can send me to the nearest stash of chocolate chip cookies!

Truth be told, I actually prefer a fresh piece of fruit to a Girl Scout Thin Mint, but I'm lazy. The other day the remains of a box of thin mints lay open on the counter (already raided by one of the kids) right next to an orange. While the orange actually looked more appetizing, I finished off the last couple of cookies because who's got time to peel and slice an orange? I know, I know...that quality of life stuff. If I'm going to treat myself right and enjoy my life, I have to learn to take time to peel the oranges!

Is Soya Your Weapon Against Fighting Menopause Blues?

Research conducted by a team at All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS) has shown that women can handle the post-menopausal syndrome better if they consume more soya.

Menopause, a transition time for women in their 40's and 50's, occurs when estrogen production falls below a certain level and ovulation stops. The changes associated with menopause can lead to increased risk for cardiovascular disease, high cholesterol, blood pressure, osteoporosis, and joint aches. This study brings hope to millions of women worldwide who go through the blues in the middle of their life. Since soya contains a high level of phytoestrogens, which are related in structure to estrogens, they are useful in reducing post menopausal symptoms like chest pain, hot flashes, aches, vaginal dryness and mood swings.

What has worked for you in combatting menopause symptoms?

Is It Time To Make Some of Those Big Life Changes?

Are you fed up with your overstuffed schedule, poor eating habits, and "living to excess?" If so, it's time for a change! Start by making a list of all the things in your life that you're sick of -- running through the drive-thru, working weekends, going out every night with friends, not having any time to yourself. Now turn these negatives into positive statements: "I want to plan healthy meals, " "I want to relax and enjoy my weekends," or "I want to carve out time in my schedule for spending time alone."

Next you need to create a strategy for implementing some of these changes one step at a time:

• Cancel weeknight social activities in an effort to simplify your schedule
• Say "no" to weekend work requests to cut down on your time at the office
• Create room in your schedule for a healthy amount of sleep
• Carve out time for daily exercise to boost your metabolism and energy level
• Make plans to meet a friend for breakfast on Saturday morning
• Take a Sunday afternoon to visit a museum or walk through an art gallery
• Schedule a facial or massage and start taking care of yourself
• Practice caution in not overpacking your schedule with activities intended to achieve life-enriching goals

Finally, focus on the benefits you will start to experience as you begin to implement each of these changes. Expect some obstacles, but don't give up. It will be worth it in the long run. And you don't have to make all these changes overnight! Pick one and work on that until it's part of your lifestyle. Then move onto the next one. Success breeds success.

What lifestyle changes have you incorporated into your life lately?

Is Your College Graduate Moving Back Home?

According to a 2006 MonsterTrak survey, 48 per cent of all students will find themselves knocking on their family's door come graduation. Additionally, 44 per cent of last year's graduates are still living with their parents. With astronomical tuition costs, credit card debt and the high cost of housing in major metropolitan areas, what's a new college graduate to do?

If you're in this situation, www.boomerangnation.com offers these tips:

• Set a move-out deadline: Before they move in, make sure to set a departure date. Otherwise, you will become frustrated and your son or daughter may become unmotivated to move out on his or her own.
• Avoid the temptation to baby them: Encourage your graduate to take on household responsibilities like fixing the computer or cooking dinner.
• Don't put your life on hold: Carry on with your day-to-day activities as you normally would or risk resentment setting in.
• Discuss goals with your graduate: Saving for a downpayment on a house, starting a business, finding a job, and eliminating debt are all good reasons for your son or daughter to move back home. You should discuss these goals with him or her and work together to make them a reality.
• Charge rent: Whether it's $50 or $300 a month, it's important that your son or daughter contributes to the household. If you feel guilty accepting cash, invest the funds and present the money as a gift once he or she is ready to move out.

Do you have more tips for surviving and thriving while having your adult child live at home?

Are You Faced With the Role of Dual Care Giver?

A recent study says that the sandwich generation of women in their forties and fifties who are caught between the demands of holding down a job and looking after a younger or older relative will rise by 50 percent by the year 2020.

Children and adults are more likely to know their grandparents and great-grandparents, unlike previous generations. But more women are taking on the role of dual care giver -- looking after both children or grandchildren and elderly relatives at the same time. This is putting a huge strain on the 'have it all' generation of women who were supposed to be experiencing more personal freedom and greater wealth than their mothers and grandmothers.

Research shows that women caught in this role of dual care giver are being seriously impacted -- both physically and mentally. They are reporting lower satisfaction with their lives and a reduced level of well-being.

So what's the answer? Please share if you've had a positive experience in this role of dual care giver or the specific struggles that you're facing in this role.

Top 10 Household Challenges

A new survey commissioned by SCOTT Brand papertowels shows 53 percent of Americans are looking for simple, quick and easy solutions to life's everyday challenges. The national survey set out to identify the country's top 10 household challenges. Topping the list? Finding enough space for everyday necessities.

So what are the Top 10 Household Challenges? Here they are:
1. Finding space for all of the things you need (54%)
2. Saving money on everyday items (48%)
3. Finding time to clean/organize (47%)
4. Incorporating exercise into your lifestyle (44%)
5. Keeping track of your spending (41%)
6. Keeping kitchen/bathroom countertops clean and clutter-free (40%)
7. Getting family/household members to keep their space neat and clean (39%)
8. Finding time for yourself (37%)
9. Keeping books/bookcases/shelves/knick-knacks from getting dusty (32%)
10. Working fruits and vegetables into your own/family's diet (30%)

Now through Aug. 15, people can submit a video to Scott demonstrating their solution along with an essay explaining, in 50 words or less, what inspired them to share and discover solutions.

What about you? What is your biggest household challenge?

Is Midlife Really the "Best Years of Your Life?"

Midlife now is believed by some experts to be the happiest time of adult life. "From age 30 to 50, life only gets better and better," says Ron Kessler, professor of health care policy at Harvard Medical School. "These are the best years of their lives."

According to a recent article, young adults are consumed with life's big decisions - starting a career, getting married, having children - while those over 75 are plagued by failing health and fears about nearing the end of their lives. People at midlife (technically 38 to 55 years old) are usually more settled, typically married, and in many cases, their children are grown or nearly grown. They have more free time and more money.

What's your opinion? Is midlife the time of turmoil that it's typically noted for or are these the best years of your life?

You Want To Stay Connected After the Kids Leave the Nest?

Turn off the TV and tune into each other!

There's no doubt that menopause, midlife crises and major life changes (like transitioning to an empty nest) can put extra pressure on relationships. The trick is to accept these changes and find new ways of interacting with each other.

Wives are guilty of underestimating how important sex is for their husbands who by nature access their emotions through physical intimacy. Without regular romantic interludes, husbands become emotionally withdrawn.

Likewise, husbands frequently fail to recognize how important conversation is to helping their wives feel "connected." When they don't pay enough attention to their wives, it isn't necessarily a sign that the relationship is over. It has merely fallen asleep and needs to be woken up!

Midlife is the time to rediscover the joy of being together. Find a project that you can both get involved with. Plan a vacation together. Pick up a new hobby that you both will enjoy. What did you do when you were dating or before the kids came along? Cook a gourmet meal together. Read to one another. Rent a tandem bike or a canoe and embark on an afternoon adventure. Rekindle the joy of being in one another's company!

Share your dreams with each other. If you are contemplating going back to college - either for a degree or just for the mental stimulation - let your husband know what your motivation is. He may be fearful that you're going to grow beyond him - or that you'll meet someone more intellectually stimulating than he thinks he is - and therefore will be unsupportive at first. Discuss his concerns and relieve his fears. He will become your number one fan if you make him part of your plans.

Don't let your relationship be a casualty of your midlife transition. Now that the kids have moved on with their own lives, this is an opportunity to give your marriage the attention it needs. Breathe new life into it and experience the wonderful, fulfilling relationship you always wished you'd had time for before.

What ideas do you have for staying connected at midlife?

Symptoms of a Midlife Crisis

A midlife transition begins with small, nagging doubts followed by a series of dramatic, apparently irrational events that eventually lead to big changes.

During it all, women ask themselves questions such as: Is this all there is? Am I a failure? What is my purpose in life? This questioning stage, if not handled appropriately, can send you into a tailspin causing you to make choices you may later regret in a desperate effort to take back control of your life.

Symptoms and behaviors during midlife crisis can range from mild to severe, including:

• boredom, exhaustion, or frantic energy
• self-questioning (regrets, what if's)
• daydreaming (like you're existing in parallel worlds at the same time)
• irritability, unexpected anger (acting totally out-of-character)
• acting on alcohol, drug, food, or other compulsions (taking irrational risks)
• greatly decreased or increased sexual desire (remember being a teenager?)
• sexual affairs, especially with someone much younger (an attempt to soothe your frail, aging ego by proving that you've still "got it")
• greatly decreased or increased ambition (either boredom with work that you've always enjoyed or a sudden need to "prove yourself" before it's too late)

It's important as you navigate through this transition period to spend regular time contemplating your life. Accept and share your feelings with other women on a similiar journey. With acceptance, you can allow yourself to grieve losses. Also, by sharing your feelings, you can relieve fears and frustrations - and discover that you're not alone on this journey of growth and change.

Take heart. Coping with a midlife transition takes time and energy, however, it can help you make healthy changes to create greater satisfaction and pleasure in life.

Create Time for Self Care

The most basic and precious tenet of self nurturing is to take time for yourself. Taking time off allows you to be more efficient when you return to the task at hand.

Relaxation is not a treat, it is necessary for your physical and emotional health. And if you value your time and set limits on what you do for others, others will value your time and treat you with more respect.

How many times do you feel frustrated because you are unable to find the time to do the things that are important to you?

Remember. You are in charge of your life. It may not always seem like it, but you do choose to be too busy or to be bored. I know that may not be a very comforting thought, but it is liberating one. Try to find the time to care for yourself. Make it a priority. Self-care will enrich your life immeasurably.

Share how you carve out time for self care in your life!


To see the complete article, go to: Straight From the Heart - Personal Growth - Ways to Self Nurture

Will I Survive Driver's Training?

It's been about 30 years since I first slipped behind the wheel of a car. I don't remember it being all that traumatic. In fact, I can't remember much about driver's training at all except for taking the entrance ramp onto the highway for the first time.

This evening I had a flashback as I sat in the passenger's seat as my 15-year-old son took that initial foray into the world of fast-moving vehicles. It wasn't even planned. He wanted to visit a friend from church and asked if he could drive. It never occurred to me that he didn't know that meant taking two different highways to get there. When we approached the main road near our home, he asked, "Which way, Mom?" I indicated to turn right at which point he realized that we were taking the Interstate. He informed me that they hadn't ventured onto the highway yet in driver's training. I took a big gulp and said, "Well, there's a first time for everything." (Afterall, I was there when he took his first steps. Why shouldn't I be there to experience his first highway adventure?)

About half an hour later, I finally exhaled and turned to him in admiration. I was impressed! He had done a truly awesome job. I complimented him and he grinned from ear to ear. I don't know when I will get used to my children driving, but it certainly seems to be another milestone in their young lives. And why do they all have such different attitudes? My 17-year-old hates to drive and will avoid it whenever possible. My youngest son will be eligible to start driving next summer and my daughter two years after that. But like everything else, I'm learning to trust them and their ability to make good choices - most of the time!

Collision Repair Services Now Cater to Women

Here's some really helpful information that I received from John Shattuck - my local body shop owner:

Did you know that over 65 percent of our customers in the collision repair industry are women? No, it does not mean they are bad drivers. It just means they have taken more control of the family’s auto needs. In the past decade, women have jumped into a role that the men previously dominated.

An increasing presence and buying power of women in the automotive industry is the result of a rise in the overall percentage of female drivers, while the overall percentage of male drivers is decreasing. Furthermore, research shows nearly half of new car purchases are made by women, and 53 percent of used-car sales can be attributed to women. In fact, Ford Motor Marketing reports that women influence 80 percent of all purchases and have 95 percent veto power regarding automotive purchases.

In most cases, females are more knowledgeable then male customers. The old way of thinking -that males make all the decisions regarding repairs on the family’s auto - is a thing of the past. Female customers are also more critical of the cleanliness of a body shop and the quality of the repairs on their auto.

Due to the fact over 65 percent of auto repair facilities customers’ are women, shops need to change their appearance and their attitudes toward their female customers. This is why many mechanical shops and collision repair shops have removed the calendars of half dressed women. They have removed the old car seats and car magazines in their waiting rooms and replaced them with magazines like People and Time. Offices and restrooms are cleaner and more comfortable too. The main reason for this is the female customer. Without their business, they would not have one.

If you're a woman at a repair shop, do not be afraid to ask questions. There are no dumb questions. Insurance claims can be complicated. The average person has a claim once every seven years. [Some of us a little more often.] In the auto world, six months is a long time. Auto mechanical repairs can be even more confusing. If you don’t feel comfortable with whom you are dealing with or are confused, don’t be afraid to leave.

If you have an insurance claim, always remember it is your car and your choice about where it is repaired. You may have it repaired at any shop you would like (at least according to Michigan state law, but I would presume other states have similar statutes.) Choose a shop where you are comfortable. And be sure that it's one that provides a lifetime warranty.

Thanks, John!

The Seasons of Life

In Colin Milner's interview of David Wolfe, author of Ageless Marketing, he asks Wolfe, "How does personality development lead to changes in our behavior over time?"

Mr. Wolfe responds, "Our basic needs are determined by the season of life in which we live. We pass through four seasons: spring, summer, fall and winter. Each season has a primary developmental objective, survival focus and characteristic life story theme."

Here is how he defines each season of life:

1. Spring - this season prepares us for adulthood. The survival focus is play, because that is nature's device for enticing the young into modeling life and trying things. The life story theme is fantasy: everything will ultimately work in a person's favor.
2. Summer - the primary objective here is development of the social and vocational self. The survival focus is becoming someone, which is usually dependent on showing promise to others; thus, everything we do has that in mind-from what we wear to how we dress, the friends we keep and the activities we do. We subordinate much of ourselves to the external world to increase our opportunities for securing the social integration that makes us successful in relationships, and for gains in social status, getting jobs, job promotions and so on. The life story theme in summer is romantic, heroic: I can do anything I set my mind to.
3. Fall - this is the season that us midlifers are in. The primary objective is development of the inner self. As we come to the end of summer, we may feel empty because either we haven't done what we thought we were going to do or we have done even more, yet still feel empty. We now turn inward to perhaps examine our life purpose in a quest for fulfillment. The survival focus in fall or midlife is about being somebody. Becoming somebody has become less important than being somebody. This shift from an outer world focus to an inner self focus accounts for the infamous midlife crisis. We hear the inner voice knocking, saying, "Let me out!" But, we get confused as to what to do about it.
4. Winter - this is the final stage of psychological maturity. Our survival focus is reconciliation-making peace with it all. We begin to look at life retrospectively to make more sense of it, seeking to resolve the yin and the yang of life, the sweet and the bitter. We may ultimately conclude that there is usually a bit of good in every bad and vice versa, and thus find the peacefulness in our souls that we have long sought.

Do you agree or disagree with Mr. Wolfe's definition of each of the seasons of life?

Midlife: Time to Follow Your Own Rhythm

Remember when you were a kid and you had to eat lunch at noon because it was "lunch time?" Or how about when you had a young family and your days were structured around your children's nap times or when they were in school?

Welcome to midlife! Guess what? You can follow your own rhythms now. Even with teenagers living in my house, I get up early and write before they are awake (it's summer so they're not in school). I may have a piece of fruit early in the morning, but I don't get really hungry until about 10am when I stop and take a break from my writing to eat a "real" breakfast. Then I'm on a roll again and often work right through lunch, not taking another break until mid-afternoon. By then, I'm ready for some exercise! I will frequently go rollerblading, or work out at the gym, or simply take a half-hour walk around my neighborhood. After working up an appetite, I come home and eat "lunch" even though it's much later in the day.

Some people work late into the evening and couldn't imagine going to bed before midnight. That's okay...they're following their own internal clock. If you are self-employed or have flexible work hours, you know the benefits of being able to follow your own natural rhythms. My husband also works from home and his summer afternoons are frequently spent with buddies on the golf course. It's okay because he works well into the night to compensate for his afternoon leisure time.

How about you? How often do you find yourself working late on a project, even when the clock says it's "quitting time?" Do you frequently skip meals because you're on a roll with your work? Don't let a mechanical clock tell you what to do. You're not in kindergarten anymore. If your body is crying for a nap, take one. If you have a creative urge in the middle of the night, don't squelch it. Give into it! Midlife is the time in your life when you get to work according to the inner promptings of your body and spirit. Go with the flow and find the illusive life balance you've been searching for!

Do We Need Leisure Time?

What activities have you done in the past month - just for the fun of it?

Make a list.

Review it.

Do you use your leisure time to refresh and rejuvenate yourself or to "just kill time?" Do you take leisure time naturally or is it something that you have to force yourself to do? Can you carve out at least half an hour a day for fun? Why not? What are your excuses? Leisure time is proven to increase your energy, improve your concentration, refresh your attitude, and make you more productive when you return to work. Wouldn't that be a valuable use of your time even though it might seem as though you're doing 'nothing?'

Here's a list to get you started:

• Lay in a hammock and stare up at the sky (one of my personal favorites!)
• Play with your dog or cat - borrow a neighbor's pet if you don't have one of your own
• Go for a bike ride or rollerblading with a friend
• Blow bubbles - the kind you played with as a kid
• Buy a box of crayons and color a picture
• Get a facial, massage, or pedicure
• Read a book at the park
• Work a crossword puzzle
• Watch people walk by in a public place
• Put on some upbeat music and dance all by yourself
• Visit a local museum and spend all your time at just one or two exhibits
• Practice some yoga positions - stretch and get the kinks out
• Meet your spouse for middle of the day lovemaking
• Flip through a magazine or other reading material unrelated to work
• Go to a matinee - all alone if you've never done that before
• Read the funny cards in a cardshop and let yourself laugh
• Write a poem or a handwritten note to a long-distance friend
• Make a list of the 100 things you want to do before you die
• Visit a neighborhood of garage sales
• Browse in a library or book store
• Scrapbook or start a stamp collection
• Draw a floor plan of your dream retirment home
• Rearrange your furniture or clean out a junk drawer
• Sew on a button - be conscious of your breathing
• Weed your garden - be mindful of the sights and sounds around you
• Browse in an antique mall - imagine the people that once used these items
• Relax in a bubble bath and listen to relaxing music

Share your favorite leisure time activities!

6 Tips for Coping With Splitting Up

My heart truly breaks when I hear stories (all-too often) of another couple splitting up. Separation and divorce are believed to rank second only to death of a spouse in terms of stress levels. If you're in the midst of a split right now, you're likely going through the emotional stages of grief: shock, protest, guilt, anger, hope, inferiority, depression, loneliness, and finally acceptance.

Here are six tips for coping:

1. Recognize that you're not the first person to experience this pain and suffering. Remember the old saying, "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger?"
2. Express your feelings. Talk it through with those you're closest to. Cry. Journal. Find excuses to laugh. Watch a funny movie just to release some of the tension.
3. Understand what went wrong. Learn from it. Don't spend a huge amount of time over-analyzing, but try to take away the lessons to be learned from your loss.
4. Fill the emptiness. Find projects to work on. Take a trip. Volunteer. Get involved in life outside your own little world.
5. Keep things in perspective. Challenge negative thoughts. Write them down when they occur and look for the positive perspective. Read uplifting literature. Listen to stories that will inspire you. Give your friends permission to help you "police" your negative comments.
6. Table tough decisions. Avoid making any major decisions when you are really upset. Give yourself the time and space to clear your head and think straight before deciding important issues like where to live.

I truly wish that no one had to go through the agony of divorce, but for those that have no other choice, you will make it! It won't be easy, but life will go on and you will experience joy again.

First Rock'n'Roll Festival (1967)

Here's a little trivia for you: Today is the anniversary of the first rock'n'roll festival, the Monterey International Pop Festival, that took place in 1967. According to reports, 50,000 people turned out to listen to Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, The Who, Ois Redding, The Byrds, Jefferson Airplane, the Grateful Dead, and The Mamas and the Papas.

Remember the late '60s? The Vietnam war was escalating as were the war protests. The youth of that generation were redefining our culture and rock'n'roll was a major contributor. What memories do you have of that era?

Today I Picked Up My New 'Baby'

No, I'm not talking about a child, or even a new pet. I just purchased my first laptop computer! Don't laugh, but I named her Isabella -"Izzy" for short! I was tired of being tied down to my desktop computer when I wanted to enjoy the summer weather that's all too short here in Michigan. Now I can write from my deck, sitting in the sunshine and enjoying the chirping of the birds. Also, I can take Izzy on the road with me when we're traveling later this summer. Wherever there's a wireless network available, I'm in business!

Vickie Milazzo: Inside Every Woman

Last night, I had the pleasure of interviewing Vickie Milazzo as part of our Midlife Career Change teleseminar series. If you weren't able to join us, here are a few tips that Vickie shared:

1. Spend at least 5 minutes alone every day. I personally think this should be a minimum of 20 minutes alone daily! Vickie said that no matter where she is in the world, she sets her alarm to get up 30 minutes before her day officially starts so she can have "morning tea time" to think, get connected with herself, and reflect on her day.
2. Let go of the "feel good" addictions. This would include checking your email before focusing on your highest payoff activities. I am guilty of this myself and have renewed my commitment to working on the important activities (like writing) before replying to all of the emails I receive every day.
3. Celebrate the small wins. Vickie reminded us that we shouldn't wait for the "big" wins before we stop to celebrate. Every incremental step deserves to be recognized and fuels our motivation. Vickie says that if she has to work all day on a Saturday, she treats herself to a nice meal out on Saturday evening. Make a list of ways to celebrate your small successes!
4. Solve a problem. When women are looking for a business opportunity, the key to discovering a great idea is to find a solution to a problem that plagues a large number of people. Use your skills and expertise to help others. Find something that's important to you - that's not selfish and that makes you happy - and go for it! Believe in your dream and take action every single day.
5. Connect with other women. That's right...surround yourself with positive, like-minded women that can help you grow and encourage you to take the next step. Help each other achieve your biggest, most audacious goals!

5 Ways to Set Up A Home Office

In a world of laptop computers, wireless Internet connections, cellular phones, efax, and virtual assistants, it's becoming increasingly easy to run a multi-million dollar business from your own home.

Here are a few ideas for carving out workspace for your home office:

1. Spare Bedroom or Den. This is the most obvious choice for a home office, but not everyone has the luxury of this extra space.
2. Under the Stairs. You can also carve out space on an enclosed porch or a hall closet.
3. Multi-shelf Rolling Cart. Use it to store all your office needs and pull it up next to the kitchen table. When you're not working, roll it away in a pantry or closet.
4. Armoire. Choose either a contemporary or traditional style based on your home decor and use it as both storage and a workspace. When in use, pull up a nearby chair and let it function as a desk. When not in use, close the doors!
5. Bookcase. Visually separate your work area from the rest of a larger room (or even the end of hallway) by setting a tall bookcase perpendicular to the wall. It will provide a cozy nook for your workspace as well as offer storage for your files, office supplies, and a special photograph. Utilize decorative boxes, wicker baskets, and magazine holders for attractive display of your office needs.

No more excuses! You can set up your next profitable business venture right in your own home!

25 Ideas for Trying Something New

Step out of your comfort zone and try something new! What have you wondered about doing in the past, but haven't had the courage to try? Aim for something small that you can accomplish in a single day. Get in the habit of trying something new on a regular basis. Each successful experience will build your confidence and motivate you to try something else!

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Make an appointment to try a new hair color and/or new hair style -- or get extensions!
2. Visit your local car dealership and test drive the sports car of your dreams.
3. Schedule a hot air balloon ride for you and a special friend.
4. Visit a clothing store you don't normally go to and try on clothes that represent the new YOU!
5. Buy a pair of designer jeans or fun "pointy-toe" shoes.
6. Try on some bold fashion jewelry that you wouldn't normally wear.
7. Rent a kayak and spend the day on the river or local lake.
8. Sign up for dance classes.
9. Dine at a restaurant alone and fully enjoy the experience.
10. Park your car and take a bus somewhere -- just for the fun of it!
11. Take the day off and walk through a botanical garden or art museum.
12. Visit one of the popular "naked" clay art studios and tap into your artistic self.
13. Visit your local library and find a book about something that you would normally never read -- biography, historical fiction, or a science book -- expand your horizons!
14. Start your own blog!
15. Enter a story, poem, or article in a writing contest or submit it to a local magazine.
16. Check out classes at a local college or community education class and sign up for something new.
17. Take a "do-it-yourself" class at Lowe's or Home Depot and learn how to lay ceramic tile, repair a leaky faucet, or give your bathroom a fresh coat of paint.
18. Go someplace with a friend and sing karaoke!
19. Go line dancing -- or salsa, or ballroom -- whatever is new, different, and sounds like fun!
20. Find a local Mary Kay representative in the phone book and schedule a makeover.
21. Volunteer for a day at a school for special needs children and discover the joy of working with these kids.
22. Send a letter to the editor about a local issue that is important to you.
23. Make a point of greeting every sales clerk, delivery person, waiter or waitress, receptionist, and cashier you encounter today by their name and ask how they're doing. A smile goes a long way!
24. Go fly a kite, ride a bike, go skating, or anything else you haven't done since you were a child. Buy some crayons and color a picture of your dream. There's nothing like big, chunky crayons to bring out the creative spirit of a child in you!
25. Open a bank account and name it your "dream fund." Set aside a little money from every pay check to use to make your dreams come true.

Whatever it is, dream it and DO IT!! Enjoy!

Meeting An Online Date

More and more women I've talked to are using the Internet to meet Mr. Right. Online services like eHarmony.com are making this an increasingly attractive option, but how can you safely meet someone that you've encountered online?

Here are a few tips that I picked up from Peter Walsh, professional organizer from TLC's hit series, Clean Sweep:

1. Get a picture or two immediately. There's no sense in going forward if he's not your type!
2. Be restrained in deciding when to reveal your email address and phone number.
3. Meet as soon as possible, ideally after only four to six email messages and a phone call. Late-night marathon sessions of pouring your heart out online can make strangers feel like soul mates.
4. Be honest -- you won't have to clean up things later.
5. Share details of your life judiciously.
6. Arrange to meet in a neutral location that's well-lit and full of people. Don't give out your address and don't drive together.
7. Meet for coffee on the first date, rather than dinner. If you know immediately that this person is wrong for you, you can exit quickly and painlessly.
8. Enlist someone to help. Have a friend stay close-by or even consider introducing the friend and get her feedback later.
9. Shut up and listen. Pay attention to things that don't feel right. If your date refuses to discuss past relationships or family, you've probably got trouble. One gal shared that she had to call her date to reschedule and ended up talking to his wife!
10. Assess your overall compatibility with your date, not just your suitor's physical appearance. Do you like the person? Is his emotional baggage a carry-on or a steamer trunk? Does he listen to you or just wait until it's her turn to talk again?

After you've met, share your findings with family or trusted friends, and listen to their feedback. They're concerned for you and your happiness. Pay attention to their comments; most likely they'll offer invaluable insight. If you decide that you two would be a good match, take it slow. Give yourselves time to get to know one another before you make any serious commitments.

The Five Love Languages

It seems that I've been recommending The Five Love Languages a lot lately. In print for almost 15 years, this relationship classic by Gary Chapman continues to help improve relationships with the ones we love -- whether husbands and wives, parents and children, or close friends -- this book's wisdom has stood the test of time.

Dr. Chapman has identified the five ways in which each of us speak and receive love. They are:

• Quality Time
• Words of Affirmation
• Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

Quality Time involves focused attention on the other person -- maintaining eye contact, active listening, and resisting the urge to multi-task. I mention this one first because it's my own love language. After 20 years, my husband has finally figured out that spending time with me (not while reading the newspaper or working on the computer) is the best way to make me feel loved. Of course, I enjoy all the other love languages as well, but quality time is the one I can't live without.

Some people prefer Words of Affirmation as a way to be shown love. Telling your spouse how much you appreciate them, encouraging them, and general words of praise and acceptance all show your love. One of our close friends identified words of affirmation as his love language because he recognizes that it was the one thing he didn't receive from his father while growing up. Knowing this, his wife is able to keep his love tank full.

If Gifts is your spouse’s love language, then you need to understand that for them, gifts are not simply material objects — they are expressions of your love. My youngest son thrives on gifts. It doesn't matter the size or cost, just knowing that I thought about him and made a special effort to pick out something he would enjoy really fills up his love tank.

If your spouse’s love language is Acts of Service, they will appreciate your help more than anything. This is my husband's love language. For years we didn't understand this and I would want him to come sit on the sofa with me after dinner, but he would be busy cleaning up the dinner dishes. I know, most women would think this was wonderful (and I have grown to appreciate this in him), but for me, it was more important that he come spend time with me. However, just as he has learned the importance of spending time with me, I now understand how much acts of service speak love to him and I intentionally think of things I can do for him.

Finally, for some people, Physical Touch is their love language. Please note that this is "non-sexual" touch. A simple touch on the arm, hug or backrub will convey your love to them. One author confessed how much she enjoys her husband's hand on the small of her back when they're walking. It makes her feel special. One of my older sons has always responded well to physical touch. Even now as a young man, he asks for a hug every time he sees me.

"I am convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile," concludes Dr. Chapman. "Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse's primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage."

If you're looking to improve your relationship with someone you love, you must read this book! There have been several spin-offs over the years as the original was written exclusively about the marriage relationship, but once you read and understand the concepts you can apply them to any relationship.