Thursday, March 01, 2007

First Signs of a Female Midlife Crisis (According to the Guys)

After polling over 250 husbands, here's what they said were the first signs that their wives were having a midlife crisis:

1. She is very depressed and withdrawn – she says she is unhappy and feels lost and empty inside
2. She is discontent and bored with her life and our marriage – she wants a new life which doesn’t include me
3. She is emotionally detached and doesn’t enjoy any of the activities we used to do together
4. She says that she loves me but she’s not “in love with me” – she has cut me off emotionally and physically
5. She says that she feels a lack of personal fulfillment and is not sure if she wants to be a wife and mother anymore – she thinks about running away
6. She says she is "going through something" and wants to "take a break and find herself” – she says she needs time and space to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life
7. She wants her freedom and independence – she wants to be on her own and make her own decisions
8. She has lost a lot of weight, goes to the gym daily and has become obsessive about exercising
9. She pays more attention to her appearance, always looking in the mirror, and is very pleased when people tell her she looks ten years younger than she is
10. She had a breast augmentation (nose job, tummy tuck, etc.), her teeth capped and permanent cosmetics
11. She goes on uncontrollable and random spending sprees – she bought herself a whole new, younger looking wardrobe
12. She dresses provocatively and acts very flirtatious – she is constantly seeking attention from other men
13. She had an affair with a co-worker (personal trainer, son's soccer coach, old flame, guy she met in a bar, etc.)
14. She bought a shiny new, red BMW convertible
15. She focuses only on herself and is acting extremely selfish
16. She is angry and irritable all the time, and becomes easily agitated over little things
17. She is sarcastic with one cut down after another, constantly looking for a fight or argument and sometimes even goes into a violent rage
18. She spends her spare time on the computer instant messaging people or chatting with guys online
19. She goes out drinking with younger, single friends/co-workers after work and stays out all hours of the night
20. She started living like she was single again – separate vacations, rock concerts, going out to clubs and bars – anything to avoid being at home in the evening
21. She is acting like a teenager!

Do you see yourself in any of these comments?

(Ladies, I’m not being judgmental…remember that I’ve been there myself!)

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

16 and 17 are right on the money for me.

Anonymous said...

My partner is going through "something." We have been together for 13 years and over the past month I can see 13 of the 21 signs. As a female I am emotional as well and I am having a hard time with her emotions during this time. Ughhh!

Anonymous said...

im so screwed up i started an affair an my husband will literaly kill me when he finds out

Anonymous said...

My wife of 32 years has ALL of these signs! She has put me out on the curb like yesterdays trash and has forgotten that I even exist.

Anonymous said...

Just found out a few months ago that my wife was having an affair. Better than 80% of the examples fit her to a T. My dilema is that she would not see herself like this.

Anonymous said...

I wasnt married to my ex(she is 36). but i can relate to so much of what was written. He mom died from cancer.she was withdrawing from the relationship. she was losing weight and going to the gym.only months earlier was wanting me to get a house together. she dumped me just after they buried her moms ashes. she said she didnt want a boyfriend anymore and didnt know when she would. since spliting up she has has lazer eye surgery done, changed her appearance and looking younger with a new hairstyle. going out late more.before she used to like staying in and early nights.more short dresses and designer labels than the old jeans and baggy tops and glasses. now she is splashing out on a new flash car.

i've been confused for months on what went wrong but i now believe her moms death is giving her a midlife crisis.

Anonymous said...

i can relate to this. my ex(age 36) dumped me not long after her mom died. she changed totally. lazer eye surgery, different hairstyle.lost weight and joined a gym. wants to be single and only look after herself. buying a flash car. wearing labelled clothes. going out more and late nights.

she became detached as her mom was getting more ill. wouldnt open up and kept things to herself. she used to be someone who liked nights in and not into late nights. she was arguementative when she used to be easy goign and laid back. in the end i felt i was walking on egg shells. she was always on facebook towards the end. i tried to give her all the space she wanted and let her deal with things how she wanted

it felt as if she was pushing me out no matter what i did. only spoke to her once in 8 months. she has disappeared.

Anonymous said...

My EX Wife displayed every one of those behaviors listed. Worst nightmare of my life. She single handedly destroyed our family.

Anonymous said...

We are going through the same thing in my house....however i beleive my wife's crisis may have been fueled by a betrayal on my part some time ago....but it has affected her in a terrible way....she is no longer the beautiful person she once was....maybe this was inside her all along, but scoring 18 out of 21 can not be good regardless of the situation....unfortunately, i don't know how to help her and soon she will be on her own as our marriage will pay the ultimate price for this crisis..... to Everyone else......don't give up on your partner....try, try and try again.....it will be worth it in the Long Run!!

Anonymous said...

11 of them apply to me...gonna be a bumpy ride...

Anonymous said...

I hope my wife didn't write comment #3

Anonymous said...

Many of these "warning signs" fit what I'm going through. I feel like my children & husband have sucked the life out of me. I'm in danger of losing every bit of what makes me "ME". I can't go on like this.

Anonymous said...

My partner of 7 years is going through perimenopause and a mid life crisis. I too like the other commenter see many of these signs. Being another female it hurts deeply. She just says to shut up and take it and be patient because things will change. I am just afraid that I have wasted my life and time with someone who no longer wants me.

Anonymous said...

My Wife fits almost all of these. Started with the gray hair and drinking almost every night. Started the lose weight thing and exerciser and something she always said was that she would never go running and now obsessive with it. Had an affair with the Neighbors 39 year old Son and then told me she Loved me but wasn't happy and cries every night! She moved out and got an apartment with the guy she was having the affair with. Knew the guy for maybe two and a half months and says she is madly in Love with the guy. No warnings out of the blue and wants a divorce.

Anonymous said...

Yes I see the signs! I feel lost and alone, and after having spent the last 20 years taking care of my family and not developing any outside interests, not sure what to do. The main players in my life have moved on to other interests. My best friend has recently divorced and has started the honeymoon phase in a new relationship which means she spends all her time now with him. Gone are the "girls night out" days, my son now lives out of state and my 16 yr old daughter is emotionally distant. Now let's talk about my husbands two interests, 90 % golf, then after I should automatically be interested in sex right? My persona is cook, maid, and concubine and it's my own fault for not having taken the time to develop some self interests along the way, but it's gone on so long I don't even know what I like I have been such a shadow of my family and what they like.

Anonymous said...

How long have you been having this affair? Is it fullfilling your happiness?

jlow said...

I know how you feel. I nearly started an affair. And so hurt that it never happened. This is not me and don't know who I am anymore!

Anonymous said...

I have identified 10 signs. 28 years we've been together. I'm the innocent party and now I have to endure this horrible pain inside of me, I don't wish this upon any individual but unfortunately these situations happen to millions of people around the world. I have given her the space she has requested to find herself and I have told her to take all the time she needs to find that love back for me, its in her hands as I can't do anything more to help. I pray for her to get over this terrible (illness) crisis which she has no control over.

Anonymous said...

I have identified 10 signs. 28 years we've been together. I'm the innocent party and now I have to endure this horrible pain inside of me, I don't wish this upon any individual but unfortunately these situations happen to millions of people around the world. I have given her the space she has requested to find herself and I have told her to take all the time she needs to find that love back for me, its in her hands as I can't do anything more to help. I pray for her to get over this terrible (illness) crisis which she has no control over.