Finding a Mentor

In yesteday's ezine, I made the comment that women should find a mentor -- someone that you can ask about their journey.

Here is what I wrote:

Do you have a mentor -- someone that has successfully navigated the unchartered waters of a midlife transition? Is there a woman that you really admire for her personal style, inner confidence, and the impact that she's left on the world around her? Talk to her. Take her to lunch and ask her about her life. Ask her about the tough times, the painful times that have helped her to become who she is today. Discover the life lessons that's she's learned and apply them to your own life. This doesn't mean that you can avoid the journey, but her insight will shed new light on your own path.

A woman emailed me and expressed concern that there aren't any people left in this world that are willing to share their own experiences. I have found the total opposite to be true!

I do understand her concerns however. It can sometimes be difficult to find someone that will take the time to talk with you. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

First, identify someone that you would want to mentor you. Invite her to lunch…or coffee! Most people (if they are worth being a mentor) would gladly accept an invitation to lunch or coffee. It does require you taking a risk however…the risk of being rejected. But don’t discount it until you’ve actually done it! You may be surprised!

When you do arrange to meet with someone, this is not a time for you to complain about your life! This is an opportunity to ask questions…so have some questions thought out in advance so that you stay focused. You invited this other person to talk about THEM and THEIR LIFE. You must glean what you can and apply it to your own life. It’s not their job to listen to your problems…they are there as a favor to you to share their own experiences. And it should go without saying that you would pick up the tab!

I’ve been on both sides – the one asking and the one being asked. If you phrase it right, most women will be flattered and gladly accept such an invitation. If they’re very busy, you may have to wait 2-3 weeks, but they will usually find a way to fit you into their schedule.

Afterwards, follow up with a thank you note. Let them know that you appreciate the time that they took with you. You may also want to send a follow-up note a few months later indicating how you've implemented any of their ideas into you own life. It's a huge compliment to know that you've made an impact on someone's life...enough that they took some action based on your conversation.

If a relationship forms and this person is willing to continue meeting with you, that's great! However, she is not a counselor, therapist, or coach...don't try to make her into one. She is just there to guide you by offering feedback and suggestions for what you're trying to accomplish. Keep it short, implement what you learn, and express appreciation. That's the best way to get and keep a successful mentoring relationship!

Study: Women's Sexuality, Self-Esteem Enhanced by Breast Augmentation

According to a new article at WebMD, a University of Florida study shows that women report better sexuality and improved self-esteem after cosmetic breast augmentation surgery.

Cynthia Figueroa-Haas, PhD, clinical assistant professor at the University of Florida College of Nursing, advertised for volunteers in the offices of cosmetic plastic surgeons. Eighty-four women completed questionnaires on self-esteem and sexuality before and after cosmetic breast augmentation surgery.

Overall, the women didn't have particularly low self-esteem or particularly poor sexual function prior to surgery. But both aspects of their lives significantly improved after they got breast implants.

"They were already OK with self-esteem and sexuality -- they just wanted larger breasts," Figueroa-Haas tells WebMD. "They got increased levels of self-esteem and sexuality." Figueroa-Haas bristles at the idea that it's frivolous for women to want to improve their body image. Body image, she says, is an important factor in a woman's self-esteem.

"A lot of people consider plastic surgery a procedure that doesn't need to be done. They say women should stay with their bodies and what God gave them and be satisfied. I don't agree," she says. "This procedure does change women's psychosocial issues. There are differences [in life satisfaction] between people with good and poor self-esteem."

After getting breast implants, women experienced every measure of sexuality more strongly, Figueroa-Haas found. After breast augmentation, women reported significant increases in arousal, sexual desire, sexual satisfaction, and lubrication.

Despite the benefits she finds in cosmetic breast augmentation, Figueroa-Haas warns that surgery cannot address serious underlying issues women may have. "This isn't a cure-all. If you have underlying psychological issues, don't run out and see a plastic surgeon. These issues have to be addressed first," she says.

That's a very important point, agrees clinical psychologist David B. Sarwer, PhD, director of the weight and eating disorders program at the University of Pennsylvania. Sarwer has studied psychological issues surrounding breast augmentation surgery.

"Sure, body image is an important part of self-esteem," Sarwer tells WebMD. "But self-esteem is based on all sorts of things other than body image. It may be unrealistic to think that, just by having breast augmentation, a woman will improve her overall self-esteem."

Sarwer has found that women who seek cosmetic breast surgery have their own, personal motivations. They are not, as stereotype would have it, trying to please their husbands or boyfriends. A woman should make sure it is what she wants. She should not seek plastic surgery under pressure from someone else.

One plastic surgery website states:

Breast augmentation isn't just a step toward changing how you look. It represents a transformation in how you feel about yourself and your body.

So what do YOU think?

A Dozen Quick Ideas to Deal with Stress

Remember successfully handling a stressful situation in the past and let it bolster your confidence to handle the current challenge you’re facing
Break every task down into smaller, baby steps. Tackle the first one.
Stop and stretch – rotate your neck, do a shoulder roll, stretch out your back
Wear one of your favorite outfits, or pair of earrings, or favorite shoes!
Take a 15-20 minute nap to refresh yourself.
Buy yourself some flowers…or a Japanese fighting fish!
Take a brisk walk outside.
Stop tolerating things that aren’t working right -- get them fixed or replace them!
Visit a nearby tourist spot that you’ve never been to before.
Stop aiming for perfection and just do it!
Vent your emotions through writing in a journal, painting on canvas, playing an instrument, or dancing
Stop and smile…it will make you feel better!

Commit Random Acts of Kindness

Small gestures can have a far-reaching impact. Live your life in such a way that others are touched. Each person you touch passes on the kindness and caring to another person, and in this way, your actions have a ripple effect even though you may never know what the end result of your actions will be.

A movie released in the year 2000 starring Helen Hunt, called Pay It Forward, was based on this concept. It’s about a young boy (Haley Joel Osment) who attempts to make the world a better place after his teacher (Kevin Spacey) gives him that chance. The movie’s premise was “when someone does you a big favor, don't pay it back...pay it forward!” The rules were:

-It has to be something that really helps people.
-It must be something they can't do by themselves.
-When you do it for them, they do it for three other people.

You cannot be self-absorbed, living only for yourself, and expect to live an abundant life. By reaching out and making someone else’s life a little easier, a little happier, a little more joyful, you open the door for more abundance to enter your own life and you are able to feel happiness in ways that you could never imagine. As Helen Keller once said, “True happiness…is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."

[This is an excerpt from Bring It On! Women Embracing Midlife]

One of the Worst Things About A Midlife Affair

Okay, besides the heartbreak that you cause your husband, the havoc that it does to your family, and the way it messes with your mind...having a midlife affair robs you of valuable time and energy that you could have invested in discovering and pursuing your passion! I'm not talking about the passion found in another man's arms, but the passion found in using your natural talents and gifts to improve not only your own life, but to have a positive impact on others' lives as well.

Ask yourself, "Who has suffered because I wasn't doing the one thing that I was created to do?" "Who could have benefited if I was exercising the natural gifts and talents that were given me to improve the world around me?" You will probably never know the answer to those questions, but it is mind-boggling to think about!

Everyone that has been involved in an extramarital affair knows how much time and energy it takes. Why aren't we willing to put that same time and energy into something long lasting -- like a new business, or volunteer work, or (gasp!) our own marriages? I encourage you to do some soul-searching today and think about the kind of impact you could have on the world around you. Is your affair really worth it?

[I know this post doesn't apply to everyone, but there's someone out there that needs to read it. If it's not you, please pass it along to someone that could benefit from it. Thanks!]

Overcome Fear and Self-Sabotage

Do you have reasons or excuses for not meeting your goals?

It’s not uncommon to unwittingly stop ourselves by focusing on our fear or by sabotaging our own progress. Our next area of growth is the thing that scares us yet also excites us more than anything else!

Fear causes us to feel helpless, depressed, weak and sick. It is not the event that is causing all the trouble, but it is the fear of that event. Fear of failure can be avoided by not trying, but then we will gain nothing.

You need to develop the ability to act as if the things you want to accomplish in your life have already occurred. This reinforces both your conscious and your subconscious mind so that you begin to react to situations and attract those people who support your goal. Conversely, if you don’t believe or trust that you can and will make it happen, you will remain stuck with your old lifestyle. For some women, staying in their comfort zone while clinging to their fear of change is exactly what keeps them from growing.

See yourself finishing the race, landing the ideal job, being in the loving and commited relationship, receiving the diploma, holding that published book, getting on the airplane, or listening to the applause after your performance. See it in your mind and experience the emotions that go with it. Many a sporting event is played out in the athlete's mind before the game ever begins. You, too, can harness this power in your own life!

Our beliefs determine our experience. Thoughts like “I’ll never be happy” or “I can never win” will manifest themselves in our lives. We can tell our subconscious something we want it to believe, and it will absorb that new thought. No judgment — just acceptance. We have to do it over and over again, however, because our subconscious likes familiar stuff. After a while, our behavior changes.

If you’re constantly thinking, “I’m so stressed,” you will reinforce that belief. You have a choice; you can alter your perception of your world if you put new words into your subconscious, such as “I can handle it” or, even better, “I thrive on this!” Remember, misery is optional.

The first step is discovering what you normally say to yourself. Program your words using only the present tense. If your subconscious receives “I will be happy,” it assumes that this feeling will happen some time in the future. You can change your perception of a situation and your creative mind will help you think of ways to have your dream become a reality.

Dream big, develop faith, acquire the knowledge, and step into action, to get the results that you desire. See yourself achieving your goals and your mind will go to work to make it happen!

Please help support Ryan Gallagher!

I know that this has absolutely nothing to do with the midlife journey, but our very good friend, Ryan Gallagher, has made it to the second round of CMT's Music City Madness music video competition.

Monday, March 5, is the last day to vote before we see who moves on to Round 3. Like American Idol, this is a fan and "viewer supported" competition. Ryan is an awesome young man with a very promising future and music career ahead of him. Please take a minute to go check out Ryan's video and if you like what you see and hear, please vote for him!

[Ryan's name is fourth from the bottom on the left side. Click on it to hear his video. You can vote as many times as you'd like. ]

I know that I started out by saying that this post didn't have anything to do with midlife, but in a way, it does. How many of us didn't pursue our dreams when we were 18 years old? How many of us wish we'd had the courage to "go for it?"

Ryan is just embarking on his journey into adulthood, but it's not too late for us! What dream do you still have? What are the fears holding you back from "going for it?" What is the life you're missing out on by staying in your comfort zone? Is 2007 the year that you step out and make it happen? You can do it!!!

Midlife is a Great Time to Stay Active!

It's been 25 years since I've been on a ski slope, but today my husband and I took our four teenagers to Caberfae -- a ski resort about an hour and a half drive north of us. The windchill was a little nippy on the ski lift, but otherwise it was a gorgeous, sunny day.

It was the first time our kids had been skiing and, in fact, two of the boys opted to try snowboarding instead. They took quite a few spills, but the smiles on their faces meant they were having a great time. And my daughter, a natural athelete, took to skiing like any new sport she tries!

I'm not sure I'm ready to go out and buy ski equipment for all of us quite yet, but it was fun to share this new experience with our kids and have another day of special family memories to look back on as they get older.

On one trip up the lift, my daughter exclaimed over the beauty of the sunset and was initially disappointed that we had neglected to bring a camera. Before I had a chance to respond, however, she quickly added, "It's okay, Mom. Not every Kodak moment can be captured with a camera -- some are so valueable that they can only be captured with your heart." Now that's a lot of wisdom for a 13 year old!

So what activities did you used to enjoy that you've neglected for many years? Bike riding? Rollerblading? Hiking? It's important to stay active and there's no better way than to spend time outdoors. I challenge you to pick one outdoor activity and commit to trying it again -- even more fun if you can find a kid or young adult to share it with!

Midlife Is A Great Time to Pursue Your Passions -- And Discover What Really Excites You!

Create space in your life for greater self-expression and creativity — passionate pursuits in which you get lost in what you really love. What excites you so much that you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning?

You may have thought your secret wish to write a children’s book or learn country dancing was silly and pushed it to the back recesses of your mind. It may be that you want to learn how to play the guitar, take a pottery class, or write your own screenplay. Most of us have something that we have always wanted to do, or have a talent for.

Maybe you daydream about hiking in the woods and sketching in a nature journal or maybe you have always wanted to learn Italian. Revisit the activities you enjoyed as a child — playing the flute, bike riding, canoeing, ice skating, skiing — all the things you used to love, but as an adult, never felt you had time for.

Is there something you’ve thought about doing, but never thought you’d be capable of trying? Whether it’s running a marathon, horseback riding, or becoming a clown, call on your courage and take the first step. Make the phone call, schedule the lesson, buy the supplies — whatever steps are required to convince your subconscious that you are serious about focusing on that goal. Stop making excuses!

There is no greater tragedy than to find yourself at the end of your life regretting that you never dared to explore your true passions. When you’re doing what you love, your work improves, you’re more productive, and you have more energy to direct toward other areas of your life. Pursuing what you enjoy inspires and renews you. It makes you feel alive.

[Excerpted from Bring It On! Women Embracing Midlife]

Childhood Dreams & Secret Ambitions

One of the exercises I like to use with my coaching clients (and also included in New Horizons) is to have you do an overview of your life. Break down your life by decades and write a short, descriptive paragraph about each one from birth to your current age. Then, looking back over your life, identify key turning points that have helped shape who you are today. Reflecting back on your childhood, what were your dreams and secret ambitions?

Doing this exercise myself, I realized that a summer spent reading Beverly Gray Mysteries had a powerful impact on my life. Growing up, I spent every summer at my grandparent's house because my parents both worked. Before you start feeling sorry for me, however, you need to realize that my "Nana" and 'Paw Paw" lived on the largest recreational lake in Indiana. My days were spent swimming, waterskiing, playing water tag, bike riding to the candy store, and swinging on an old rope swing. The mild summer evenings involved catching fireflies in glass jars, playing tag in the dark, and telling ghost stories under the big oak tree.

Despite having what I thought at the time to be an unreasonable amount of yardwork and household chores to help my grandparents, I still managed to spend a great deal of time with my nose in a book. One summer I discovered the Beverly Gray Mystery series that my mother had read as a child. The main character led the exciting life of a newspaper reporter who traveled to exotic places and led what I thought at the time to be the ideal lifestyle.

I loved writing and traveling to all corners of the world held an incredible amount of intrigue for me. Unlike the author that penned these exciting tales, Beverly Gray never got married (at least not by the conclusion of the last book in the series). I was sure that this would be the path that my own life took as well. However, that was not to be the case. At 22, I met my husband and five children later, I haven't solved a single international mystery and my sleuthing has been reduced to uncovering who left the freezer door open all night when none of the occupants of the house admit to doing it.

Am I bitter? Not at all! I love my family and the less-than-fairytale life that we lead. But when I first made this realization, it helped me to clarify my vision for the life I wanted to create after the full-time responsibilities of motherhood were no longer part of my daily reality.

I did, in fact, work as a reporter for a short time when I was younger and have no desire to include newspaper work in my future. But writing is still a part of my every day life and I know that it always will be. One clue that I had from revisiting this childhood dream was that I never want to "retire" in the traditional sense of the word. I know that in a few short years, I will have the freedom to travel and speak around the world -- and hopefully before I'm Jessica Fletcher's age! Although Angela Lansbury's character in the 1980's TV show, Murder, She Wrote, certainly seems to be a positive image of the kind of adventurous life I still have to look forward to!!

The Challenge for Midlife Women

Your challenge is to find ways to perform the critical inner work of exploring your thoughts and dreams, while continuing to carry on with your daily responsibilities. Basically, you must learn to run on two tracks at the same time. You must learn to live in a state of continual uncertainty until eventually one or two choices become clear as the next step to take -- and the vision stage begins!

To help you accomplish this:
1. Carve out time to be alone with your thoughts
2. Journal what you're thinking and feeling
3. Slow down to appreciate the special moments of each day
4. Reach out to others for support
5. Discover a creative outlet
6. Get out in the fresh air and nature often
7. Make daily exercise part of your life
8. Create a vision board

Midlife Marriage is About Persevering

"When you have persevered through the more difficult times and have created something really special, it is worth all the effort." -- Michael Webb







Sign up for his newsletter "Secrets of Blissful Relationships at:
http://www.theromantic.com/

First Signs of a Female Midlife Crisis (According to the Guys)

After polling over 250 husbands, here's what they said were the first signs that their wives were having a midlife crisis:

1. She is very depressed and withdrawn – she says she is unhappy and feels lost and empty inside
2. She is discontent and bored with her life and our marriage – she wants a new life which doesn’t include me
3. She is emotionally detached and doesn’t enjoy any of the activities we used to do together
4. She says that she loves me but she’s not “in love with me” – she has cut me off emotionally and physically
5. She says that she feels a lack of personal fulfillment and is not sure if she wants to be a wife and mother anymore – she thinks about running away
6. She says she is "going through something" and wants to "take a break and find herself” – she says she needs time and space to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life
7. She wants her freedom and independence – she wants to be on her own and make her own decisions
8. She has lost a lot of weight, goes to the gym daily and has become obsessive about exercising
9. She pays more attention to her appearance, always looking in the mirror, and is very pleased when people tell her she looks ten years younger than she is
10. She had a breast augmentation (nose job, tummy tuck, etc.), her teeth capped and permanent cosmetics
11. She goes on uncontrollable and random spending sprees – she bought herself a whole new, younger looking wardrobe
12. She dresses provocatively and acts very flirtatious – she is constantly seeking attention from other men
13. She had an affair with a co-worker (personal trainer, son's soccer coach, old flame, guy she met in a bar, etc.)
14. She bought a shiny new, red BMW convertible
15. She focuses only on herself and is acting extremely selfish
16. She is angry and irritable all the time, and becomes easily agitated over little things
17. She is sarcastic with one cut down after another, constantly looking for a fight or argument and sometimes even goes into a violent rage
18. She spends her spare time on the computer instant messaging people or chatting with guys online
19. She goes out drinking with younger, single friends/co-workers after work and stays out all hours of the night
20. She started living like she was single again – separate vacations, rock concerts, going out to clubs and bars – anything to avoid being at home in the evening
21. She is acting like a teenager!

Do you see yourself in any of these comments?

(Ladies, I’m not being judgmental…remember that I’ve been there myself!)

Change

"Change begins with a single small step, the decision to move rather than stay still, to try something rather than merely fantasize about it. Go ahead, take that step. Feel the energy change around you, within you. You are moving in the right direction." -- Anonymous

Are You Ripe For A Midlife Career Change?

Would you like to be able to wake up every day and want to go to work? You might be ripe for a midlife career change. Ask yourself these five questions:

• Do I want to change my job or just the environment?
• Am I willing to be an entry-level worker again?
• Is this financially practical, and am I willing to accommodate some lifestyle changes?
• What job have I always wanted?
• Does it exist, and if so, how do I make it happen?

When changing careers midstream, there are some key points to keep in mind.

First of all, thoroughly research your career prospects. Consider working with a career coach and taking some self-assessment tests. Avoid jumping on the first opportunity that comes along. Take time to dig deep enough that you know for sure whether this is the career for you.

Secondly, it's important to not only read about a potential career, but also to speak first hand with women currently in your field. Find out the pros and cons of the job and, if possible, learn as much as you can about the interview process.

Thirdly, take time to rewrite your resumé, emphasizing the skills and experience from your current job that would translate well into your targeted line of work.

The more you can learn now, not only are you more likely to land the job, but there's less chance that you'll be unhappy with your new career down the road.

"Retirement Careers" Are The New Ideal

Three-quarters of U.S. baby boomers are rejecting the traditional notion of retirement in favor of a more flexible mix of work and leisure. In fact, many people are already taking steps towards establishing a new "retirement career" -- something that will allow them to continue to work on a flexible schedule and still leave time for travel and other personal pursuits. They are preparing for this new career by attending classes and training sessions and researching careers such as consulting and teaching that enable them to share or pass on their knowledge to others.

The most frequent reason people give for wanting to work during retirement is to stay mentally and physically active, although concerns about health insurance and financial realities are obviously a contributing factor as well. Studies show that retirees who are already in "retirement careers" are more satisfied than those who are retired and not working. Not surprisingly, they are also less likely to fear financial constraints.

Some forward thinking companies are recognzing this growing trend and are offering telecommuting and more flexible schedules. They're also providing coaching and mentoring services as well as increased access to health insurance in order to leverage a very valuable work force segment that still has the desire to work.

What about you? Have you explored starting a retirement career?

We've Joined the Ranks of RV Owners

Until just a few years ago, our family did not go camping. Vacation for us was typically renting a home in Orlando for a week to briefly escape the frigid cold winters here in Michigan. Sometimes we would trade our timeshare for a nice condo in a historical area like Williamsburg or a luxury hotel in Cancun. But never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd own an RV!

What happened? A few years ago, a group of our friends invited us to join them for their annual two week vacation in Ludington State Park (in northern Michigan). We drove up to visit them for a day and had a great time. Later that year in our Christmas letter, my husband writes that we're going camping the following summer. We are?

The next two summers we borrowed a trailer from friends. It was a nice way to ease into camping without all the responsibility and commitment of being an RV owner. The end of January this year, we again secured the much sought after camp sites in Ludington along with our friends. The trailer that we'd borrowed in the past had been sold, but we assumed that we'd find something to stay in by the time the August dates rolled around. No worries...not then anyway!

A couple of weeks ago, Steve and I started to seriously consider what we were going to take our family camping in. We'd been spoiled by the use of a trailer in the past and didn't see ourselves tent-camping for two weeks with four teenagers. We looked at renting and realized that by the time we rented for the next six years (until our youngest graduates) we might as well go ahead and buy a good used trailer. We checked out several retailers until one day Steve stopped on the way home from a golf course and discovered a 2005 Travel Star that had just been traded in. It had everything we were looking for and the price was right. Now it's parked in our driveway awaiting our departure tomorrow.

All I've got to say is, never say never!

More and More Midlife Couples Are Hitting the Road...Together!

Thanks to Wi-Fi, satellite Internet hookups, e-mail and cell phones, more and more midlife couples are hitting the road full time while continuing to pursue their careers. According to a study by the University of Michigan Survey Research Center, today's RV'ers are 35 to 54 years-old, own a home, have an annual income of $68,000 and travel an average 4,500 miles a year. No longer viewed as an escape from society into the wilderness, RV living today is all about luxury.

I recently read about a 40-something couple that rely on satellite Internet and cell phones to keep their businesses going while they live on the road full time with two kids and a dog. A Web site designer and a mortgage broker, they sold their home last year and incorporate trips to historic sites, museums and state capitols while they "roadschool" their sons.

Others choose to maintain their primary residence while taking frequent RV trips, saying it's a great way to bond. On the road, couples and families are able to talk to one another more openly and indepth than they typically do in the hectic lives they lead at home. I guess it's not surprising that RV ownership is up almost 60% in the past 25 years.

What RV experiences do you have to share?

Hope for the Overwhelmed Home Business Owner

If you're like me and work from home, you know how stressful it can be to own a home business. Although I absolutely love what I do, I get frustrated at times because there never seems to be enough hours in the day. I try to return all of my emails personally, but some days I don't get back to everyone as promptly as I'd like to. (If this has been you, please accept my apology!)

And what about your household and family responsibilities? At times does it just seem completely overwhelming? Our oldest son moved out a few years ago, but I still have four kids living at home -- which certainly makes things lively! With teenagers, it seems like you're constantly driving to music lessons, sports practice, drivers' training, friends' houses, youth group activities, after school programs, and did I mention the mall?

Do you feel pushed to the limit? I know that many times I do. That's when I realize that it's time to slow down and reconnect with myself. I shut the door, close my computer, and sit in my reading chair or lay down on the floor and just focus on my breathing for a few minutes. Then I ask myself why it is that I'm doing what I'm doing. I think about my vision for helping other women like myself (and now husbands as well) to make sense out of the changes and challenges that midlife brings so they can make choices that will bring them a fulfilling and meaningful life.

This is the passion that drives me, but I also know that I need to take care of myself -- just as I encourage all of you to do as well. Therefore, I take breaks to be with my family, or have lunch with a friend, or just to take some quiet time by myself (usually at a local bookstore in one of those big, overstuffed chairs where I can lose myself for hours in a pile of books). I don't do this as often as I should, but when I do, I return to my work refreshed and rejuvenated.

Systems and routines are also key to staying afloat when the demands of your business threaten to capsize you. Just as you have routines for caring for your house, it's important to have daily, weekly, and monthly systems in place for managing your business. Without them, you're just flying by the seat of your pants and not being very effective with your precious time.

Do first things first. Determine what is the highest payoff activity in your business and make time for it every day. For me, it's writing. If I don't make time for writing every day, then I'm not doing my "main thing." It's so easy to get caught up in reading emails, processing orders, answering voice mail messages, checking stats, that I can go for days without writing. That's not good. I'm now trying to write first in the morning and then answer emails, followed by everything else. If your business involves sales, then your "main thing" is to call on potential clients every day. If your business is creating a product, then your main business is to do your craft every day. If you don't do your main thing, then everything else is meaningless.

Finally, it's important to keep growing and learning more about your industry. Do you subscribe to industry journals? Do you continually invest in home study programs that will teach you more about your product or service? Do you take classes that will improve your knowledge and skills? Even the "masters" keep practicing their craft so that they will challenge themselves to new levels of expertise. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in a rut! Keep growing so your business will continue to grow and flourish.

What kind of home business do you have? Share some of your ideas for avoiding that overwhelmed feeling.

10 Tips for Looking Fabulous Over 40

Middle age isn't what it used to be. Women in their 40's and 50's these days are as healthy and attractive as their mothers were at 30 - and many women aren't afraid to show it off. The good news is that some of the biggest fashion trends of this next year are reported to be perfectly suitable for older women. Although there will be plenty to choose from, style experts caution women to pursue a look that's stylish and even sexy, as long as they know where to draw the line.

"For a woman over 40, that is such a jewel of a time to express the different parts of herself," says Brenda Kinsel, 53, a fashion expert and author of 40 Things Every Woman Over 40 Needs to Know About Getting Dressed. "Women over 40 can look nothing short of fantastic every day."

Here are 10 tips she offers for looking fabulous:

1. Stick to the "half and half" rule.
"If you're doing something fuller, bigger and less form-fitting, do it only on half of your body and have the other half be trim," she says. Billowy fabrics from head to toe fool no one and make you look bigger than you actually are. A look Kinsel recommends is a strong, tailored, straight-legged pair of pants with a looser, flowing jacket. Add a tangle of long necklaces and a sexy shoe, and you have a flattering look that is anything but dowdy.

2. Go for small doses of generous cuts.
Kinsel likes Chico's and Eileen Fisher for easy-fitting pieces, but she recommends wearing both "in small doses." Head-to-toe looks from either line can look "matronly," Kinsel warns. "I like taking one piece and putting it with other clothes. I don't like a head-to-toe Chico's look," she says. "Women have to be smart shoppers. They have to wade through the fashion for that age zone. "There are some vendors who are more generous with cuts and shapes and not trying to fit a 12-year-old body. But you have to be careful not to get too carried away with that, because you can lose your shape and definition with that look.

3. Get out of your rut.
Kinsel also tells her clients not to limit themselves to their regular haunts when shopping for clothes. "When I shop with clients in a department store, I am shopping at least three different departments to put her in an outfit, because I want a mix. I want the things that flatter her body and her shape, but I also want her to have a little verve."

4. Remember the L word.
If your body is less than perfect — and whose isn't? — Lycra is your friend. "When you add Lycra to a fabric, that is your saving grace," she says.

5. Shop designers, then cheat.
Kinsel likes Elie Tahari, Theory, Anne Klein, Max Mara and Ellen Tracy. Even if you can't afford designer clothes, Kinsel recommends becoming familiar with the cuts and fabrics of high-quality clothing so you can spot the best knockoffs in less-expensive stores. One of her all-time favorite purchases is a store-brand jacket that's a dead ringer for Prada. "There's more value for your money when you shop that way," she says.

6. Show off your best asset.
Kinsel says women need to "stop focusing on what they feel doesn't work" about their bodies and start thinking about what they like. "If you have great legs and broad shoulders, stop worrying about the darn shoulders and focus on those legs," she says. "Put the most money on the thing that is going to flatter the most." Women waste time and money hiding what they don't like about their bodies instead of investing in clothes that will highlight their best features. "Somebody can be totally fretting about their waistline, and someone is looking at them across the room thinking, 'I would do anything to have legs like that.' Let's stop with the negative and focus on the positive."

7. Don't pay attention to sizes.
Focus on fit. "Good-fitting clothes make you look like a million bucks," she says. "I have seen designer suits that look terrible on a woman because the sleeves are too long; it's not fitting her body properly." Kinsel says a recent client showed off an Armani suit, and "it looked like something she got at a discount store because it was so ill-fitting." And don't buy a size smaller and say you'll diet down into it. "You can't put fashion on hold. You have to jump into the water in whatever bathing suit you're in," she says. And if something needs to be altered, do it right away.

8. Pay attention to your shoes.
Good shoes and quality handbags make your whole outfit look better. And make sure you have the right accessories for each outfit. If you find a great shoe, Kinsel says, "look for a bag right away that blends with it. It doesn't have to match, but find a bag that blends, so every time you wear those shoes you have a complete look. "Nothing looks worse than the cute spring shoe with a winter handbag."

9. Study fashion magazines.
Learning about what's in and the latest trends will train your eye and help you update your own look without losing your sense of style.

10. Add color.
"Introducing a new color into your life is like taking on a lover," Kinsel says. "If a woman has been doing the same old thing year after year and suddenly she discovers orange or hot pink, it can make her look five years younger."