Is There Really A Difference Between Men and Women in Midlife?

Jenn over at Midlife Heroines writes, "Men regret what they have done while women regret what they have not done at midlife."

What an interesting observation! I certainly agree with her that most women arrive at midlife with regrets...or at least with the sense that life has passed them by. But I sense from the men that I've talked to that they have similar feelings as well.

I understand her point however; she's suggesting that men are ready to settle down into a more conservative lifestyle while women typically are ready to throw off any "ties that bind" and do something radical - like walking out on the life that she's spent two decades or more creating for herself. But I see men doing the same thing.

On one hand, both men and women become more tolerant of their situations, bringing with them the increased insight and wisdom that years of living have instilled in them. On the other hand, however, they wake up to an increased sense of dissastisfaction with the way they've lived their lives and are ready to take action and do something about it.

I believe that a midlife transition is complete when you're able to find the balance between these two frames of reference. Midlife is about sorting out - what you're willing to fight for and what you're driven to change. It's about tolerance, but it's also about setting personal boundaries and no longer accepting the status quo. It's about reaching out and trying something new without risking everything that you've already achieved. It's about being selective and making healthy, educated choices about your life.

Men and women are both charged with this task. They may have different approaches, but it's ultimately about taking everything that you've learned over the first half century or so and deciding what's worth living for and what you need to let go. Sometimes the "letting go" is loosening your grip on materialism, over-achievement, or self-destructive thinking and behavior and other times it's letting go of unhealthy relationships, self-defeating attitudes and personal and professional goals that are no longer viable.

Whether you're male or female, you need to find what's important to you and create your life around that self-discovery. That's what authentic living is all about!