The Midlife Journey

The Midlife Journey Blog Has Moved!

2007-06-20T09:27:00.001-05:00

The Midlife Journey Blog can now be found at:

http://www.themidlifejourney.com/

Please join me there for "the rest of the journey!"

Your Midlife Coach,

Christine Schaap
www.PathPartners.com

Is There Really A Difference Between Men and Women in Midlife?

2007-04-16T12:20:00.000-05:00

Jenn over at Midlife Heroines writes, "Men regret what they have done while women regret what they have not done at midlife."

What an interesting observation! I certainly agree with her that most women arrive at midlife with regrets...or at least with the sense that life has passed them by. But I sense from the men that I've talked to that they have similar feelings as well.

I understand her point however; she's suggesting that men are ready to settle down into a more conservative lifestyle while women typically are ready to throw off any "ties that bind" and do something radical - like walking out on the life that she's spent two decades or more creating for herself. But I see men doing the same thing.

On one hand, both men and women become more tolerant of their situations, bringing with them the increased insight and wisdom that years of living have instilled in them. On the other hand, however, they wake up to an increased sense of dissastisfaction with the way they've lived their lives and are ready to take action and do something about it.

I believe that a midlife transition is complete when you're able to find the balance between these two frames of reference. Midlife is about sorting out - what you're willing to fight for and what you're driven to change. It's about tolerance, but it's also about setting personal boundaries and no longer accepting the status quo. It's about reaching out and trying something new without risking everything that you've already achieved. It's about being selective and making healthy, educated choices about your life.

Men and women are both charged with this task. They may have different approaches, but it's ultimately about taking everything that you've learned over the first half century or so and deciding what's worth living for and what you need to let go. Sometimes the "letting go" is loosening your grip on materialism, over-achievement, or self-destructive thinking and behavior and other times it's letting go of unhealthy relationships, self-defeating attitudes and personal and professional goals that are no longer viable.

Whether you're male or female, you need to find what's important to you and create your life around that self-discovery. That's what authentic living is all about!

Midlife Women Not Intersted in Sex?

2007-04-16T11:22:00.000-05:00

According to a recent Star Tribune article (Minneapolis), "Midlife can put women's hormones in neutral. The article says that gynecologists hear every day from patients who are in the throes of midlife, "Doctor, I'm just not interested in sex anymore."

Okay, I have to admit that I have not gone through menopause yet, but most of the women I hear from have the sex drive of a teenager! Now granted, they may not be interested in their husband anymore, but they're thinking about sex 24/7.

The article says that a woman's lack of interest in sex is "more about life and love than hormones." Hmmm...it seems to me that this over the top need/desire/craving for sex is entirely hormone driven. It's not uncommon, in fact, for women to behave totally out-of-character in developing a crush on someone not even their type.

I do agree with the article, however, that a lot of your intersest in sex can be effected by how satisfying your sexual relationship is...hey, if you're with someone that's not sensitive to your needs, it's not going to be all that great. Maybe that's why so many women seek out the excitement of a new lover...too bad more women can't just reignite the passion in their current relationship.

If you feel "nauseated at the site of your husband's pickup truck in the driveway" (as one patient described), there's more going on than a lack of libido!

Voluntary Simplicity?

2007-04-16T10:17:00.000-05:00

Have you ever thought about selling everything and starting over? That's what Lisa Perry, a 45 year old Minnesota woman, attempted to do when she put more than 300 items up for sale on eBay last week - all in a single auction with a $2,000 reserve!

Her worldly possessions include snowshoes, a futon, a bed, a collection of 33-rpm and 78-rpm records (including several Village People records), coffee mugs from her travels and a milk crate filled with seashells. What is she keeping? Her dog, her cat, photo albums and some clothing.

She was quoted as saying, "I don't need it all. I don't use it all. I just have it all. Actually, it has me."

She plans to move out west in June to take up creative writing or holistic healing. "This might be mid-life, but it's not a crisis. It's mid-life excitement," she said. "I've been schlepping this stuff across the country for more than 20 years. I think it will almost be scary how liberating it will be."

Midlife Crisis Only for Men?

2007-04-16T08:40:00.000-05:00

I just read this comment in a Chicago Times article:

The midlife crisis is more of a problem for men because women deal with issues more intimately throughout their entire lives, while men will neglect dealing with childhood issues or buried emotions until a crisis wallops them.

Are they kidding? Women don't have time to deal with their issues...and don't take time until they experience a crisis. I am so tired of the stereotype that men are the only ones that experience a midlife crisis! I get emails every day from women who are going through the very emotional upheavel that this article goes on to describe. When is the myth going to end that only men experience midlife crisis?

Finding a Mentor

2007-04-03T14:06:00.000-05:00

In yesteday's ezine, I made the comment that women should find a mentor -- someone that you can ask about their journey.

Here is what I wrote:

Do you have a mentor -- someone that has successfully navigated the unchartered waters of a midlife transition? Is there a woman that you really admire for her personal style, inner confidence, and the impact that she's left on the world around her? Talk to her. Take her to lunch and ask her about her life. Ask her about the tough times, the painful times that have helped her to become who she is today. Discover the life lessons that's she's learned and apply them to your own life. This doesn't mean that you can avoid the journey, but her insight will shed new light on your own path.

A woman emailed me and expressed concern that there aren't any people left in this world that are willing to share their own experiences. I have found the total opposite to be true!

I do understand her concerns however. It can sometimes be difficult to find someone that will take the time to talk with you. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

First, identify someone that you would want to mentor you. Invite her to lunch…or coffee! Most people (if they are worth being a mentor) would gladly accept an invitation to lunch or coffee. It does require you taking a risk however…the risk of being rejected. But don’t discount it until you’ve actually done it! You may be surprised!

When you do arrange to meet with someone, this is not a time for you to complain about your life! This is an opportunity to ask questions…so have some questions thought out in advance so that you stay focused. You invited this other person to talk about THEM and THEIR LIFE. You must glean what you can and apply it to your own life. It’s not their job to listen to your problems…they are there as a favor to you to share their own experiences. And it should go without saying that you would pick up the tab!

I’ve been on both sides – the one asking and the one being asked. If you phrase it right, most women will be flattered and gladly accept such an invitation. If they’re very busy, you may have to wait 2-3 weeks, but they will usually find a way to fit you into their schedule.

Afterwards, follow up with a thank you note. Let them know that you appreciate the time that they took with you. You may also want to send a follow-up note a few months later indicating how you've implemented any of their ideas into you own life. It's a huge compliment to know that you've made an impact on someone's life...enough that they took some action based on your conversation.

If a relationship forms and this person is willing to continue meeting with you, that's great! However, she is not a counselor, therapist, or coach...don't try to make her into one. She is just there to guide you by offering feedback and suggestions for what you're trying to accomplish. Keep it short, implement what you learn, and express appreciation. That's the best way to get and keep a successful mentoring relationship!

Study: Women's Sexuality, Self-Esteem Enhanced by Breast Augmentation

2007-03-31T08:03:00.000-05:00

According to a new article at WebMD, a University of Florida study shows that women report better sexuality and improved self-esteem after cosmetic breast augmentation surgery.

Cynthia Figueroa-Haas, PhD, clinical assistant professor at the University of Florida College of Nursing, advertised for volunteers in the offices of cosmetic plastic surgeons. Eighty-four women completed questionnaires on self-esteem and sexuality before and after cosmetic breast augmentation surgery.

Overall, the women didn't have particularly low self-esteem or particularly poor sexual function prior to surgery. But both aspects of their lives significantly improved after they got breast implants.

"They were already OK with self-esteem and sexuality -- they just wanted larger breasts," Figueroa-Haas tells WebMD. "They got increased levels of self-esteem and sexuality." Figueroa-Haas bristles at the idea that it's frivolous for women to want to improve their body image. Body image, she says, is an important factor in a woman's self-esteem.

"A lot of people consider plastic surgery a procedure that doesn't need to be done. They say women should stay with their bodies and what God gave them and be satisfied. I don't agree," she says. "This procedure does change women's psychosocial issues. There are differences [in life satisfaction] between people with good and poor self-esteem."

After getting breast implants, women experienced every measure of sexuality more strongly, Figueroa-Haas found. After breast augmentation, women reported significant increases in arousal, sexual desire, sexual satisfaction, and lubrication.

Despite the benefits she finds in cosmetic breast augmentation, Figueroa-Haas warns that surgery cannot address serious underlying issues women may have. "This isn't a cure-all. If you have underlying psychological issues, don't run out and see a plastic surgeon. These issues have to be addressed first," she says.

That's a very important point, agrees clinical psychologist David B. Sarwer, PhD, director of the weight and eating disorders program at the University of Pennsylvania. Sarwer has studied psychological issues surrounding breast augmentation surgery.

"Sure, body image is an important part of self-esteem," Sarwer tells WebMD. "But self-esteem is based on all sorts of things other than body image. It may be unrealistic to think that, just by having breast augmentation, a woman will improve her overall self-esteem."

Sarwer has found that women who seek cosmetic breast surgery have their own, personal motivations. They are not, as stereotype would have it, trying to please their husbands or boyfriends. A woman should make sure it is what she wants. She should not seek plastic surgery under pressure from someone else.

One plastic surgery website states:

Breast augmentation isn't just a step toward changing how you look. It represents a transformation in how you feel about yourself and your body.

So what do YOU think?

A Dozen Quick Ideas to Deal with Stress

2007-03-15T15:21:00.000-05:00

Remember successfully handling a stressful situation in the past and let it bolster your confidence to handle the current challenge you’re facing
Break every task down into smaller, baby steps. Tackle the first one.
Stop and stretch – rotate your neck, do a shoulder roll, stretch out your back
Wear one of your favorite outfits, or pair of earrings, or favorite shoes!
Take a 15-20 minute nap to refresh yourself.
Buy yourself some flowers…or a Japanese fighting fish!
Take a brisk walk outside.
Stop tolerating things that aren’t working right -- get them fixed or replace them!
Visit a nearby tourist spot that you’ve never been to before.
Stop aiming for perfection and just do it!
Vent your emotions through writing in a journal, painting on canvas, playing an instrument, or dancing
Stop and smile…it will make you feel better!

Commit Random Acts of Kindness

2007-03-11T11:35:00.000-05:00

Small gestures can have a far-reaching impact. Live your life in such a way that others are touched. Each person you touch passes on the kindness and caring to another person, and in this way, your actions have a ripple effect even though you may never know what the end result of your actions will be.

A movie released in the year 2000 starring Helen Hunt, called Pay It Forward, was based on this concept. It’s about a young boy (Haley Joel Osment) who attempts to make the world a better place after his teacher (Kevin Spacey) gives him that chance. The movie’s premise was “when someone does you a big favor, don't pay it back...pay it forward!” The rules were:

-It has to be something that really helps people.
-It must be something they can't do by themselves.
-When you do it for them, they do it for three other people.

You cannot be self-absorbed, living only for yourself, and expect to live an abundant life. By reaching out and making someone else’s life a little easier, a little happier, a little more joyful, you open the door for more abundance to enter your own life and you are able to feel happiness in ways that you could never imagine. As Helen Keller once said, “True happiness…is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."

[This is an excerpt from Bring It On! Women Embracing Midlife]

One of the Worst Things About A Midlife Affair

2007-03-11T11:09:00.000-05:00

Okay, besides the heartbreak that you cause your husband, the havoc that it does to your family, and the way it messes with your mind...having a midlife affair robs you of valuable time and energy that you could have invested in discovering and pursuing your passion! I'm not talking about the passion found in another man's arms, but the passion found in using your natural talents and gifts to improve not only your own life, but to have a positive impact on others' lives as well.

Ask yourself, "Who has suffered because I wasn't doing the one thing that I was created to do?" "Who could have benefited if I was exercising the natural gifts and talents that were given me to improve the world around me?" You will probably never know the answer to those questions, but it is mind-boggling to think about!

Everyone that has been involved in an extramarital affair knows how much time and energy it takes. Why aren't we willing to put that same time and energy into something long lasting -- like a new business, or volunteer work, or (gasp!) our own marriages? I encourage you to do some soul-searching today and think about the kind of impact you could have on the world around you. Is your affair really worth it?

[I know this post doesn't apply to everyone, but there's someone out there that needs to read it. If it's not you, please pass it along to someone that could benefit from it. Thanks!]

Overcome Fear and Self-Sabotage

2007-03-05T23:44:00.000-05:00

Do you have reasons or excuses for not meeting your goals?

It’s not uncommon to unwittingly stop ourselves by focusing on our fear or by sabotaging our own progress. Our next area of growth is the thing that scares us yet also excites us more than anything else!

Fear causes us to feel helpless, depressed, weak and sick. It is not the event that is causing all the trouble, but it is the fear of that event. Fear of failure can be avoided by not trying, but then we will gain nothing.

You need to develop the ability to act as if the things you want to accomplish in your life have already occurred. This reinforces both your conscious and your subconscious mind so that you begin to react to situations and attract those people who support your goal. Conversely, if you don’t believe or trust that you can and will make it happen, you will remain stuck with your old lifestyle. For some women, staying in their comfort zone while clinging to their fear of change is exactly what keeps them from growing.

See yourself finishing the race, landing the ideal job, being in the loving and commited relationship, receiving the diploma, holding that published book, getting on the airplane, or listening to the applause after your performance. See it in your mind and experience the emotions that go with it. Many a sporting event is played out in the athlete's mind before the game ever begins. You, too, can harness this power in your own life!

Our beliefs determine our experience. Thoughts like “I’ll never be happy” or “I can never win” will manifest themselves in our lives. We can tell our subconscious something we want it to believe, and it will absorb that new thought. No judgment — just acceptance. We have to do it over and over again, however, because our subconscious likes familiar stuff. After a while, our behavior changes.

If you’re constantly thinking, “I’m so stressed,” you will reinforce that belief. You have a choice; you can alter your perception of your world if you put new words into your subconscious, such as “I can handle it” or, even better, “I thrive on this!” Remember, misery is optional.

The first step is discovering what you normally say to yourself. Program your words using only the present tense. If your subconscious receives “I will be happy,” it assumes that this feeling will happen some time in the future. You can change your perception of a situation and your creative mind will help you think of ways to have your dream become a reality.

Dream big, develop faith, acquire the knowledge, and step into action, to get the results that you desire. See yourself achieving your goals and your mind will go to work to make it happen!

Please help support Ryan Gallagher!

2007-03-04T22:36:00.000-05:00

I know that this has absolutely nothing to do with the midlife journey, but our very good friend, Ryan Gallagher, has made it to the second round of CMT's Music City Madness music video competition.

Monday, March 5, is the last day to vote before we see who moves on to Round 3. Like American Idol, this is a fan and "viewer supported" competition. Ryan is an awesome young man with a very promising future and music career ahead of him. Please take a minute to go check out Ryan's video and if you like what you see and hear, please vote for him!

[Ryan's name is fourth from the bottom on the left side. Click on it to hear his video. You can vote as many times as you'd like. ]

I know that I started out by saying that this post didn't have anything to do with midlife, but in a way, it does. How many of us didn't pursue our dreams when we were 18 years old? How many of us wish we'd had the courage to "go for it?"

Ryan is just embarking on his journey into adulthood, but it's not too late for us! What dream do you still have? What are the fears holding you back from "going for it?" What is the life you're missing out on by staying in your comfort zone? Is 2007 the year that you step out and make it happen? You can do it!!!

Midlife is a Great Time to Stay Active!

2007-03-04T21:34:00.000-05:00

It's been 25 years since I've been on a ski slope, but today my husband and I took our four teenagers to Caberfae -- a ski resort about an hour and a half drive north of us. The windchill was a little nippy on the ski lift, but otherwise it was a gorgeous, sunny day.

It was the first time our kids had been skiing and, in fact, two of the boys opted to try snowboarding instead. They took quite a few spills, but the smiles on their faces meant they were having a great time. And my daughter, a natural athelete, took to skiing like any new sport she tries!

I'm not sure I'm ready to go out and buy ski equipment for all of us quite yet, but it was fun to share this new experience with our kids and have another day of special family memories to look back on as they get older.

On one trip up the lift, my daughter exclaimed over the beauty of the sunset and was initially disappointed that we had neglected to bring a camera. Before I had a chance to respond, however, she quickly added, "It's okay, Mom. Not every Kodak moment can be captured with a camera -- some are so valueable that they can only be captured with your heart." Now that's a lot of wisdom for a 13 year old!

So what activities did you used to enjoy that you've neglected for many years? Bike riding? Rollerblading? Hiking? It's important to stay active and there's no better way than to spend time outdoors. I challenge you to pick one outdoor activity and commit to trying it again -- even more fun if you can find a kid or young adult to share it with!

Midlife Is A Great Time to Pursue Your Passions -- And Discover What Really Excites You!

2007-03-03T11:08:00.000-05:00

Create space in your life for greater self-expression and creativity — passionate pursuits in which you get lost in what you really love. What excites you so much that you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning?

You may have thought your secret wish to write a children’s book or learn country dancing was silly and pushed it to the back recesses of your mind. It may be that you want to learn how to play the guitar, take a pottery class, or write your own screenplay. Most of us have something that we have always wanted to do, or have a talent for.

Maybe you daydream about hiking in the woods and sketching in a nature journal or maybe you have always wanted to learn Italian. Revisit the activities you enjoyed as a child — playing the flute, bike riding, canoeing, ice skating, skiing — all the things you used to love, but as an adult, never felt you had time for.

Is there something you’ve thought about doing, but never thought you’d be capable of trying? Whether it’s running a marathon, horseback riding, or becoming a clown, call on your courage and take the first step. Make the phone call, schedule the lesson, buy the supplies — whatever steps are required to convince your subconscious that you are serious about focusing on that goal. Stop making excuses!

There is no greater tragedy than to find yourself at the end of your life regretting that you never dared to explore your true passions. When you’re doing what you love, your work improves, you’re more productive, and you have more energy to direct toward other areas of your life. Pursuing what you enjoy inspires and renews you. It makes you feel alive.

[Excerpted from Bring It On! Women Embracing Midlife]

Childhood Dreams & Secret Ambitions

2007-03-03T10:08:00.000-05:00

One of the exercises I like to use with my coaching clients (and also included in New Horizons) is to have you do an overview of your life. Break down your life by decades and write a short, descriptive paragraph about each one from birth to your current age. Then, looking back over your life, identify key turning points that have helped shape who you are today. Reflecting back on your childhood, what were your dreams and secret ambitions?

Doing this exercise myself, I realized that a summer spent reading Beverly Gray Mysteries had a powerful impact on my life. Growing up, I spent every summer at my grandparent's house because my parents both worked. Before you start feeling sorry for me, however, you need to realize that my "Nana" and 'Paw Paw" lived on the largest recreational lake in Indiana. My days were spent swimming, waterskiing, playing water tag, bike riding to the candy store, and swinging on an old rope swing. The mild summer evenings involved catching fireflies in glass jars, playing tag in the dark, and telling ghost stories under the big oak tree.

Despite having what I thought at the time to be an unreasonable amount of yardwork and household chores to help my grandparents, I still managed to spend a great deal of time with my nose in a book. One summer I discovered the Beverly Gray Mystery series that my mother had read as a child. The main character led the exciting life of a newspaper reporter who traveled to exotic places and led what I thought at the time to be the ideal lifestyle.

I loved writing and traveling to all corners of the world held an incredible amount of intrigue for me. Unlike the author that penned these exciting tales, Beverly Gray never got married (at least not by the conclusion of the last book in the series). I was sure that this would be the path that my own life took as well. However, that was not to be the case. At 22, I met my husband and five children later, I haven't solved a single international mystery and my sleuthing has been reduced to uncovering who left the freezer door open all night when none of the occupants of the house admit to doing it.

Am I bitter? Not at all! I love my family and the less-than-fairytale life that we lead. But when I first made this realization, it helped me to clarify my vision for the life I wanted to create after the full-time responsibilities of motherhood were no longer part of my daily reality.

I did, in fact, work as a reporter for a short time when I was younger and have no desire to include newspaper work in my future. But writing is still a part of my every day life and I know that it always will be. One clue that I had from revisiting this childhood dream was that I never want to "retire" in the traditional sense of the word. I know that in a few short years, I will have the freedom to travel and speak around the world -- and hopefully before I'm Jessica Fletcher's age! Although Angela Lansbury's character in the 1980's TV show, Murder, She Wrote, certainly seems to be a positive image of the kind of adventurous life I still have to look forward to!!

The Challenge for Midlife Women

2007-03-02T08:28:00.000-05:00

Your challenge is to find ways to perform the critical inner work of exploring your thoughts and dreams, while continuing to carry on with your daily responsibilities. Basically, you must learn to run on two tracks at the same time. You must learn to live in a state of continual uncertainty until eventually one or two choices become clear as the next step to take -- and the vision stage begins!

To help you accomplish this:
1. Carve out time to be alone with your thoughts
2. Journal what you're thinking and feeling
3. Slow down to appreciate the special moments of each day
4. Reach out to others for support
5. Discover a creative outlet
6. Get out in the fresh air and nature often
7. Make daily exercise part of your life
8. Create a vision board

Midlife Marriage is About Persevering

2007-03-02T00:13:00.000-05:00

"When you have persevered through the more difficult times and have created something really special, it is worth all the effort." -- Michael Webb

Sign up for his newsletter "Secrets of Blissful Relationships at:
http://www.theromantic.com/

First Signs of a Female Midlife Crisis (According to the Guys)

2007-03-01T20:48:00.000-05:00

After polling over 250 husbands, here's what they said were the first signs that their wives were having a midlife crisis:

1. She is very depressed and withdrawn – she says she is unhappy and feels lost and empty inside
2. She is discontent and bored with her life and our marriage – she wants a new life which doesn’t include me
3. She is emotionally detached and doesn’t enjoy any of the activities we used to do together
4. She says that she loves me but she’s not “in love with me” – she has cut me off emotionally and physically
5. She says that she feels a lack of personal fulfillment and is not sure if she wants to be a wife and mother anymore – she thinks about running away
6. She says she is "going through something" and wants to "take a break and find herself” – she says she needs time and space to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life
7. She wants her freedom and independence – she wants to be on her own and make her own decisions
8. She has lost a lot of weight, goes to the gym daily and has become obsessive about exercising
9. She pays more attention to her appearance, always looking in the mirror, and is very pleased when people tell her she looks ten years younger than she is
10. She had a breast augmentation (nose job, tummy tuck, etc.), her teeth capped and permanent cosmetics
11. She goes on uncontrollable and random spending sprees – she bought herself a whole new, younger looking wardrobe
12. She dresses provocatively and acts very flirtatious – she is constantly seeking attention from other men
13. She had an affair with a co-worker (personal trainer, son's soccer coach, old flame, guy she met in a bar, etc.)
14. She bought a shiny new, red BMW convertible
15. She focuses only on herself and is acting extremely selfish
16. She is angry and irritable all the time, and becomes easily agitated over little things
17. She is sarcastic with one cut down after another, constantly looking for a fight or argument and sometimes even goes into a violent rage
18. She spends her spare time on the computer instant messaging people or chatting with guys online
19. She goes out drinking with younger, single friends/co-workers after work and stays out all hours of the night
20. She started living like she was single again – separate vacations, rock concerts, going out to clubs and bars – anything to avoid being at home in the evening
21. She is acting like a teenager!

Do you see yourself in any of these comments?

(Ladies, I’m not being judgmental…remember that I’ve been there myself!)

Change

2007-03-01T20:32:00.000-05:00

"Change begins with a single small step, the decision to move rather than stay still, to try something rather than merely fantasize about it. Go ahead, take that step. Feel the energy change around you, within you. You are moving in the right direction." -- Anonymous

Are You Ripe For A Midlife Career Change?

2006-08-03T21:40:00.000-05:00

Would you like to be able to wake up every day and want to go to work? You might be ripe for a midlife career change. Ask yourself these five questions:

Do I want to change my job or just the environment?
Am I willing to be an entry-level worker again?
Is this financially practical, and am I willing to accommodate some lifestyle changes?
What job have I always wanted?
Does it exist, and if so, how do I make it happen?

When changing careers midstream, there are some key points to keep in mind.

First of all, thoroughly research your career prospects. Consider working with a career coach and taking some self-assessment tests. Avoid jumping on the first opportunity that comes along. Take time to dig deep enough that you know for sure whether this is the career for you.

Secondly, it's important to not only read about a potential career, but also to speak first hand with women currently in your field. Find out the pros and cons of the job and, if possible, learn as much as you can about the interview process.

Thirdly, take time to rewrite your resumé, emphasizing the skills and experience from your current job that would translate well into your targeted line of work.

The more you can learn now, not only are you more likely to land the job, but there's less chance that you'll be unhappy with your new career down the road.

"Retirement Careers" Are The New Ideal

2006-08-01T23:10:00.000-05:00

Three-quarters of U.S. baby boomers are rejecting the traditional notion of retirement in favor of a more flexible mix of work and leisure. In fact, many people are already taking steps towards establishing a new "retirement career" -- something that will allow them to continue to work on a flexible schedule and still leave time for travel and other personal pursuits. They are preparing for this new career by attending classes and training sessions and researching careers such as consulting and teaching that enable them to share or pass on their knowledge to others.

The most frequent reason people give for wanting to work during retirement is to stay mentally and physically active, although concerns about health insurance and financial realities are obviously a contributing factor as well. Studies show that retirees who are already in "retirement careers" are more satisfied than those who are retired and not working. Not surprisingly, they are also less likely to fear financial constraints.

Some forward thinking companies are recognzing this growing trend and are offering telecommuting and more flexible schedules. They're also providing coaching and mentoring services as well as increased access to health insurance in order to leverage a very valuable work force segment that still has the desire to work.

What about you? Have you explored starting a retirement career?

We've Joined the Ranks of RV Owners

2006-08-01T22:59:00.001-05:00

Until just a few years ago, our family did not go camping. Vacation for us was typically renting a home in Orlando for a week to briefly escape the frigid cold winters here in Michigan. Sometimes we would trade our timeshare for a nice condo in a historical area like Williamsburg or a luxury hotel in Cancun. But never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd own an RV!

What happened? A few years ago, a group of our friends invited us to join them for their annual two week vacation in Ludington State Park (in northern Michigan). We drove up to visit them for a day and had a great time. Later that year in our Christmas letter, my husband writes that we're going camping the following summer. We are?

The next two summers we borrowed a trailer from friends. It was a nice way to ease into camping without all the responsibility and commitment of being an RV owner. The end of January this year, we again secured the much sought after camp sites in Ludington along with our friends. The trailer that we'd borrowed in the past had been sold, but we assumed that we'd find something to stay in by the time the August dates rolled around. No worries...not then anyway!

A couple of weeks ago, Steve and I started to seriously consider what we were going to take our family camping in. We'd been spoiled by the use of a trailer in the past and didn't see ourselves tent-camping for two weeks with four teenagers. We looked at renting and realized that by the time we rented for the next six years (until our youngest graduates) we might as well go ahead and buy a good used trailer. We checked out several retailers until one day Steve stopped on the way home from a golf course and discovered a 2005 Travel Star that had just been traded in. It had everything we were looking for and the price was right. Now it's parked in our driveway awaiting our departure tomorrow.

All I've got to say is, never say never!

More and More Midlife Couples Are Hitting the Road...Together!

2006-08-01T22:59:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Wi-Fi, satellite Internet hookups, e-mail and cell phones, more and more midlife couples are hitting the road full time while continuing to pursue their careers. According to a study by the University of Michigan Survey Research Center, today's RV'ers are 35 to 54 years-old, own a home, have an annual income of $68,000 and travel an average 4,500 miles a year. No longer viewed as an escape from society into the wilderness, RV living today is all about luxury.

I recently read about a 40-something couple that rely on satellite Internet and cell phones to keep their businesses going while they live on the road full time with two kids and a dog. A Web site designer and a mortgage broker, they sold their home last year and incorporate trips to historic sites, museums and state capitols while they "roadschool" their sons.

Others choose to maintain their primary residence while taking frequent RV trips, saying it's a great way to bond. On the road, couples and families are able to talk to one another more openly and indepth than they typically do in the hectic lives they lead at home. I guess it's not surprising that RV ownership is up almost 60% in the past 25 years.

What RV experiences do you have to share?

Hope for the Overwhelmed Home Business Owner

2006-07-30T15:25:00.000-05:00

If you're like me and work from home, you know how stressful it can be to own a home business. Although I absolutely love what I do, I get frustrated at times because there never seems to be enough hours in the day. I try to return all of my emails personally, but some days I don't get back to everyone as promptly as I'd like to. (If this has been you, please accept my apology!)

And what about your household and family responsibilities? At times does it just seem completely overwhelming? Our oldest son moved out a few years ago, but I still have four kids living at home -- which certainly makes things lively! With teenagers, it seems like you're constantly driving to music lessons, sports practice, drivers' training, friends' houses, youth group activities, after school programs, and did I mention the mall?

Do you feel pushed to the limit? I know that many times I do. That's when I realize that it's time to slow down and reconnect with myself. I shut the door, close my computer, and sit in my reading chair or lay down on the floor and just focus on my breathing for a few minutes. Then I ask myself why it is that I'm doing what I'm doing. I think about my vision for helping other women like myself (and now husbands as well) to make sense out of the changes and challenges that midlife brings so they can make choices that will bring them a fulfilling and meaningful life.

This is the passion that drives me, but I also know that I need to take care of myself -- just as I encourage all of you to do as well. Therefore, I take breaks to be with my family, or have lunch with a friend, or just to take some quiet time by myself (usually at a local bookstore in one of those big, overstuffed chairs where I can lose myself for hours in a pile of books). I don't do this as often as I should, but when I do, I return to my work refreshed and rejuvenated.

Systems and routines are also key to staying afloat when the demands of your business threaten to capsize you. Just as you have routines for caring for your house, it's important to have daily, weekly, and monthly systems in place for managing your business. Without them, you're just flying by the seat of your pants and not being very effective with your precious time.

Do first things first. Determine what is the highest payoff activity in your business and make time for it every day. For me, it's writing. If I don't make time for writing every day, then I'm not doing my "main thing." It's so easy to get caught up in reading emails, processing orders, answering voice mail messages, checking stats, that I can go for days without writing. That's not good. I'm now trying to write first in the morning and then answer emails, followed by everything else. If your business involves sales, then your "main thing" is to call on potential clients every day. If your business is creating a product, then your main business is to do your craft every day. If you don't do your main thing, then everything else is meaningless.

Finally, it's important to keep growing and learning more about your industry. Do you subscribe to industry journals? Do you continually invest in home study programs that will teach you more about your product or service? Do you take classes that will improve your knowledge and skills? Even the "masters" keep practicing their craft so that they will challenge themselves to new levels of expertise. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in a rut! Keep growing so your business will continue to grow and flourish.

What kind of home business do you have? Share some of your ideas for avoiding that overwhelmed feeling.

10 Tips for Looking Fabulous Over 40

2006-07-14T22:22:00.000-05:00

Middle age isn't what it used to be. Women in their 40's and 50's these days are as healthy and attractive as their mothers were at 30 - and many women aren't afraid to show it off. The good news is that some of the biggest fashion trends of this next year are reported to be perfectly suitable for older women. Although there will be plenty to choose from, style experts caution women to pursue a look that's stylish and even sexy, as long as they know where to draw the line.

"For a woman over 40, that is such a jewel of a time to express the different parts of herself," says Brenda Kinsel, 53, a fashion expert and author of 40 Things Every Woman Over 40 Needs to Know About Getting Dressed. "Women over 40 can look nothing short of fantastic every day."

Here are 10 tips she offers for looking fabulous:

1. Stick to the "half and half" rule.
"If you're doing something fuller, bigger and less form-fitting, do it only on half of your body and have the other half be trim," she says. Billowy fabrics from head to toe fool no one and make you look bigger than you actually are. A look Kinsel recommends is a strong, tailored, straight-legged pair of pants with a looser, flowing jacket. Add a tangle of long necklaces and a sexy shoe, and you have a flattering look that is anything but dowdy.

2. Go for small doses of generous cuts.
Kinsel likes Chico's and Eileen Fisher for easy-fitting pieces, but she recommends wearing both "in small doses." Head-to-toe looks from either line can look "matronly," Kinsel warns. "I like taking one piece and putting it with other clothes. I don't like a head-to-toe Chico's look," she says. "Women have to be smart shoppers. They have to wade through the fashion for that age zone. "There are some vendors who are more generous with cuts and shapes and not trying to fit a 12-year-old body. But you have to be careful not to get too carried away with that, because you can lose your shape and definition with that look.

3. Get out of your rut.
Kinsel also tells her clients not to limit themselves to their regular haunts when shopping for clothes. "When I shop with clients in a department store, I am shopping at least three different departments to put her in an outfit, because I want a mix. I want the things that flatter her body and her shape, but I also want her to have a little verve."

4. Remember the L word.
If your body is less than perfect — and whose isn't? — Lycra is your friend. "When you add Lycra to a fabric, that is your saving grace," she says.

5. Shop designers, then cheat.
Kinsel likes Elie Tahari, Theory, Anne Klein, Max Mara and Ellen Tracy. Even if you can't afford designer clothes, Kinsel recommends becoming familiar with the cuts and fabrics of high-quality clothing so you can spot the best knockoffs in less-expensive stores. One of her all-time favorite purchases is a store-brand jacket that's a dead ringer for Prada. "There's more value for your money when you shop that way," she says.

6. Show off your best asset.
Kinsel says women need to "stop focusing on what they feel doesn't work" about their bodies and start thinking about what they like. "If you have great legs and broad shoulders, stop worrying about the darn shoulders and focus on those legs," she says. "Put the most money on the thing that is going to flatter the most." Women waste time and money hiding what they don't like about their bodies instead of investing in clothes that will highlight their best features. "Somebody can be totally fretting about their waistline, and someone is looking at them across the room thinking, 'I would do anything to have legs like that.' Let's stop with the negative and focus on the positive."

7. Don't pay attention to sizes.
Focus on fit. "Good-fitting clothes make you look like a million bucks," she says. "I have seen designer suits that look terrible on a woman because the sleeves are too long; it's not fitting her body properly." Kinsel says a recent client showed off an Armani suit, and "it looked like something she got at a discount store because it was so ill-fitting." And don't buy a size smaller and say you'll diet down into it. "You can't put fashion on hold. You have to jump into the water in whatever bathing suit you're in," she says. And if something needs to be altered, do it right away.

8. Pay attention to your shoes.
Good shoes and quality handbags make your whole outfit look better. And make sure you have the right accessories for each outfit. If you find a great shoe, Kinsel says, "look for a bag right away that blends with it. It doesn't have to match, but find a bag that blends, so every time you wear those shoes you have a complete look. "Nothing looks worse than the cute spring shoe with a winter handbag."

9. Study fashion magazines.
Learning about what's in and the latest trends will train your eye and help you update your own look without losing your sense of style.

10. Add color.
"Introducing a new color into your life is like taking on a lover," Kinsel says. "If a woman has been doing the same old thing year after year and suddenly she discovers orange or hot pink, it can make her look five years younger."

Boomer Women Plan To Spend Retirement "Giving Back"

2006-07-14T20:02:00.000-05:00

The New Retirement Survey by Merrill Lynch gives us all an insightful look at what we can expect from the boomer generation during their retirement years. Surprisingly, the generation that has been widely known for their self-centered ways responded that they plan to focus their time and efforts during retirement towards others and causes that they are passionate about.

Consider the following information about boomers as reported in the New Retirement Survey:

67% state that continued mental stimulation and challenge is what will motivate them to continue work as opposed to only 37% who cite continued earnings as the reason they plan to be active in the workforce
Boomers are now ten times more likely to “put others first” than “put themselves first”
Boomer women are better educated, more independent, and more financially engaged than any generation in history
Married boomer women are more than six times more likely to share responsibility for savings and investments compared to their mothers’ generation
Boomer women view their empty nest and retirement as an opportunity for career development, community involvement and continued personal growth

Midlife Women Today Have the Financial Resources, Skills and Confidence To Act On Their Impulses

2006-07-13T01:18:00.000-05:00

The 'midlife crisis' has long been thought of as something that afflicts men and often involves red sports cars and trophy wives. But the Wall Street Journal's Work & Family columnist, Sue Shellenbarger, says that as gender roles change, women are increasingly experiencing their own version of these upheavals.

I quote from her book, The Breaking Point: How Female Midlife Crisis is Transforming Today's Women:

"This pattern of female midlife crisis is emerging now because, to put it simply, women are different today. For the first time in history, women not only face more of the kind of stresses that tend to bring on midlife crises, but they also have the financial muscle, the skills and the confidence to act out their frustrations and resolve them. In a sense, women are having midlife crises now because they can."

It's a fact that women today have the financial strength needed to act on midlife rebelliousness. "Nearly one-third of wives now outearn their husbands," writes Shellenbarger, "and the proportion of women earning more than $100,000 tripled in the past decade. All this gives women a sense of freedom at midlife. 'My successful, satisfying career allowed me to be very independent, with a cocky attitude that sparked to a full-blown midlife crisis,' says a California saleswoman in my study." Women also have the skills and resources to make career changes or start their dream businesses at midlife if they wish.

Do you agree or disagree with Ms. Shellenbarger?

6 Benefits of Owning A Hot Tub

2006-07-13T01:02:00.000-05:00

Why own a hot tub? Consider these stress-relieving benefits of hydro-therapy:

Reduce stress and relax: Immersing in warm water raises body temperatures, causing blood vessels to dilate which then improves circulation. This process, called vasodilation, creates the perfect environment for relaxation.
Sleep better: Soaking in warm water before bedtime allows sleep to come quicker due to a rise in body temperature.
Gain relief for arthritis, aches and stiffness: Warm, pulsating water increases the blood supply to aching joints, thus reducing inflammation from the area and relieving pain. The warm water also relaxes muscles and allows for greater flexibility.
Breathe and think easier: Steam rising off hot water can help open up nasal and bronchial passages to aid in maintaining upper respiratory health. Many people find that soaking in a hot tub relieves headache pain, especially pain from tension headaches.
Improve cardio health: Soaking in hot water gives many of the health benefits of exercise with less strain on the heart. It increases the heart rate while it lowers blood pressure, rather than raising it as other forms of exercise do.
Relieve back and knee pain: Four out of five Americans suffer from chronic back pain. Warm-water therapy alleviates lower back pain and knee ailments by reducing stress and stiffness.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun: Puerto Vallarta Anyone?

2006-07-13T01:01:00.000-05:00

Want to go on a fun and relaxing vacation? Book a trip with a friend or group of friends. Celebrate a special birthday or just have a memorable getaway with your gal pals.

Girlfriends traveling to Mexico together through Mexican Destinations enjoy everything from beach side massage treatments and shopping tours, to catered meals and margarita parties. According to Kim Coates, president of Mexican Destinations, "There's a real need for women to get together and rejuvenate. Mothers and daughters, high school and college reunions, and bridesmaids’ escapes are just some of the groups of women who are seeing an emotional value in getting away to reconnect. We want to provide a pampered setting where girls can relax and have fun."

It's offiicial - 'Google' is a verb

2006-07-10T09:03:00.000-05:00

Since Google founders Larry Page and Serge Brin brought Google to life in September 1998, the word 'Google' has become synonymous with searching the web and now has been officially classified as a verb.

Google, googled, and googling are words now used so commonly that dictionaries are adding the transitive verb in their upcoming editions.

To be grammatically correct, by the way, use lowercase 'g' when used generically and an uppercase 'G' when referring to the use of the Google search engine.

So have you Googled today?

Midlife Is Like Playing On the Monkey Bars

2006-07-08T23:52:00.000-05:00

Today I heard Alan Weiss use an illustration that I've heard before, but it made me think about how it applies to our journey through midlife. He used the illustration of children transversing the monkey bars on a school playground. How do you successfully get from one side to the other? You have to let go of the bar that you're on in order to swing and catch hold of the next bar! If you don't let go, you'll never get to the other side.

What are you hanging onto that you need to let go of before you can move to the next bar on your journey through midlife?

American Bandstand Debuted (1956)

2006-07-08T23:43:00.000-05:00

"We're goin' hoppin' (Hop!)
We're goin' hopin' today
Where things are poppin'(Pop!)
The Philadelphia way
We're goin' drop in (Drop!)
On all the music they play
On the Bandstand!"

Gets your feet tapping just thinking about it, doesn't it?

Bandstand began as a local program on WFIL-TV (now WPVI), Channel 6 in Philadelphia on October 7, 1952. Then it was hosted by Bob Horn and was called Bob Horn's Bandstand. On July 9 of 1956 the show got a new host, a clean-cut 26 year old named Dick Clark. When ABC picked the show up, it was renamed American Bandstand, airing it's first national show on August 5, 1957. The show was moved to Los Angeles in 1964. From 1963 to 1987 Bandstand was on only once a week, on Saturday. Briefly it was part of the USA Network with new host David Hirsh but went off the air in 1989.

Brain Power Can Improve with Age

2006-07-08T23:41:00.000-05:00

Science has long made us believe that intellectual power declines with age, reaching its peak at 40. But new studies are revealing quite the opposite. Researchers at the University of California at Berkeley interviewed women at ages 27, 43, 52 and 61, and found increased tolerance for the uncertainties of life peaked in the 50s. Studies also show at that age, the left and the right brains tend to work together more -- instead of separately.

You begin to say to yourself, 'What the heck am I afraid of?'' Midlife is a time of confidence and daring mental leaps. For those that take the plunge, it can be the happiest time of your life.

What do you think?

Midlife Remarriage: Blending Families Can Work

2006-07-08T23:39:00.000-05:00

With the divorce rate so high for second and subsequent marriages, how do you overcome the statistical odds and create a successful blend of families -- including not only you as a couple, but children from previous relationships, new inlaws, and ex-spouses? To survive, you really need to work together and support one another.

Here are three excellent articles on the subject of midlife remarriage:
Midlife Remarriage
Premium Blend
Stepfamilies: What about the couple relationship?

What have you found to be successful in creating a positive second marriage?

Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

2006-07-06T17:42:00.000-05:00

President George W. Bush celebrates his 60th birthday today. He is not alone, however, in crossing this milestone in 2006. Other well-known Boomers turning 60 this year include Laura Bush, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, Sly Stallone, Diane Keaton, Candice Bergen, Cher, Jimmy Buffett, and Steven Spielberg.

The U.S. Census Bureau says roughly every 11 seconds another Baby Boomer in the United States turns 60. That adds up to about 8,000 every day and almost three million just in 2006.

Although was once thought of as the first year of "old age," age 60 is now considered among many to be only the midpoint of "middle age." Matt Thornhill, who heads the Boomer Project, says, “A Boomer at 60 doesn't consider him or herself old. In fact, they don’t think they are going to be old for another 15 or 20 years.”

This Boomer generation, more so than those that came before, has been open to growth and change. Thornhill says that may be more important now than ever, as Boomers move into a new phase of life far more active and socially aware than past generations.

Midlife Couple Takes Steps to Revitalize Their Marriage

2006-07-05T23:20:00.000-05:00

Barbie and Paul Bentley decided to revitalize their 27-year marriage by walking from one of their favorite places to stay – Mary Janes Farm near Moscow, Idaho – to one of their favorite places to eat -- a catfish restaurant in Astor, Florida. The couple calls their trek across America "A Walk for Marriage."

The Bentleys are empty nesters, with a 25-year-old son and a 20-year-old daughter. They contemplated several adventures, but a walk across the nation was something they'd dreamed of when they were much younger. Still, the decision to take action didn't come until their marriage became a bit stale, admitted 49-year-old Paul Bentley.

To get ready for the walk they sold their home, moved into a used 35-foot trailer and quit their jobs. They packed light, planning to sleep in their tent most nights – although once or twice a week they'll stay in motels. They plan to walk between 10 and 15 miles a day, first wandering through north-central Idaho and into Montana. Then they will head south to Wyoming and onward to Colorado, where they plan to break for the winter, working odd jobs to replenish bank accounts.

In May, they plan to resume their trek to Florida, arriving sometime in November of 2007 – an estimated 7 million steps total.

To read their reports from the road, visit the Bentley’s web page.

What “steps” are you willing to take to revitalize your marriage?

Leave Work Behind While On Vacation

2006-07-05T08:07:00.000-05:00

As summer heats up, more business travelers are veering off their regular schedules for some much-needed time off. Making the most of that time -- whether you're at home or on a leisure trip -- means disconnecting from what's going on at work.

"It really is critical for people to get time off when they're not tethered to a cell phone or a laptop answering e-mails," said Karon Wright, president and founder of Achievement Partners, an executive coaching and management development firm based in Thousand Oaks, California. "Getting your mind and body back into balance is what time off is all about, and you can't rest and recover if you're not taking your vacation days."

Unplugging from work gets your mind and body in balance. It's important while on vacation to practice "living in the moment." Focus on the person you're spending time with or the activity you're engaged in while you're away from work.

How do you "unplug" away from work?

Caring For An Aging Parent Doesn't Need To Be A Lonely Road

2006-07-01T07:54:00.000-05:00

Almost 3 out of 10 individuals age 45 to 64 with unmarried children under 25 in the home -- some 712,000 men and women – are also caring for a senior, according to a new study. More than 80% of these sandwiched individuals work, causing some to reduce or shift their hours or to lose income. Also, many are incurring extra expenses such as renting medical equipment.

It’s no surprise that women are more likely than men to be sandwiched. On average, women spend 29 hours a month providing care to seniors (more than twice as many as the 13 hours spent by their male counterparts). Men typically provide outside home maintenance and transportation assistance while women are more likely to provide personal care such as bathing, dressing or feeding, and in-home care such as food preparation and clean up.

Are you caught in this “Sandwich Generation?”

Get help! Don’t carry the burden all alone. Ask around – there are resources in your community to give you the break that you deserve. Most importantly, find a support system where you can turn to before resentments, conflicts, and everyday stresses build. You owe it to yourself and your family to take care of yourself.

Don't Let Your Midlife Crisis Ruin Your Marriage!

2006-06-30T19:31:00.000-05:00

Are you having trouble explaining to your husband what you're going through when you don't really understand it yourself? Midlife transition is both disruptive and scary, creating havoc in otherwise stable relationships.

I hear from dozens of men, "My wife is having a midlife crisis and I don't know what to do!" Past hurts, dimmed hopes, and shattered dreams can send some midlife women into a panic and others into a deep depression. Are your pent up feelings pushing your husband away? I know that you're going through a confusing and frightening time as you're grieving the past and trying to plan for the future, but you need to communicate openly with your partner what you're going through. In most cases, the man in your life wants to help! He loves you and wants to be there for you, but can't understand why you're pushing him away.

This past week, I received an email from a woman that wrote:
"I never knew that a female could have a mid-life crisis. I thought only males went through that! I am 44 years old and have been acting totally out-of-character for me. Recently, I have made some poor choices in my life that have affected everybody that I care about and have almost ruined my marriage of 17 years. When I read about Bring It On!, I felt like you were explaining my life to everyone. I want to order it so I can understand what is happening to me and get my life back on track."

Whether or not you're actually starting to experience perimenopausal symptoms, the hormonal imbalances in your body at this time in your life are likely at the very least to cause unwanted emotional changes. Reassure your guy that he is not to blame for these sudden outbursts or prolonged periods of introspection. Advise him that you may require extra attention, love and outward expressions of care more now than ever before.

Your husband also needs to be aware that a decrease in estrogen in your body can significantly alter how you think and feel about sex. Don't use this as an excuse to ignore his physical needs, however. You just need to talk about all of these changes as a couple and find ways to compensate for the changes both of you may be experiencing.

Hot Flashes Cause Insomnia? Really?

2006-06-28T20:20:00.000-05:00

News Flash: Women who suffer hot flashes, especially severe hot flashes, often have trouble sleeping, a new study confirms. Do we really need a study to tell us that?

Seriously, does it take a rocket scientist to make the connection between waking up in a puddle with having difficulty sleeping? Supposedly as many as 85 percent of women going through menopause experience hot flashes. The study says, "Because these unpleasant sensations of intense heat and sweating can occur at night, their presence has been frequently linked to insomnia in menopausal women. As the severity of hot flashes increases, so does the insomnia." Duh!

What relief have you found for hot flashes?

Fading Memory? Make Lists!

2006-06-27T06:10:00.000-05:00

"Like it or not, our memory starts eroding from middle age," says University of Toronto psychologist, Fergus Craik. But it's not all bad news. While memory for specific events declines from your 40's on, other types of memory -- well-known words, facts and ideas, and telephone numbers -- can hold up well with advancing age. The key is to make use of lists, calendars, and other prompts to help you stay on track.

What tips have you found useful for improving your memory or coping with memory loss?

Stress Major Contributor to Wrinkles & Weight Gain

2006-06-27T05:46:00.000-05:00

Apparently, nagging, unfinished tasks are a major contributor to stress causing wrinkles and weight gain. In other words, my "To Do List" is the culprit behind my sagging skin and cellulite!

So how do we keep from feeling so overwhelmed?

Anyone that knows me well is aware that I'm a raving fan of FlyLady (a.k.a. Marla Cilley, author of Sink Reflections). FlyLady has gone so far as to proclaim every Wednesday as "Anti-Procrastination Day." Personally, I think I will need an entire week, but haven't figured out yet how to get the world to stop long enough so that I can catch up!

Seriously, it's important to set aside regular time each week to face the projects you've been putting off. For me, the tasks that top my list are anything that require me to use technology that I'm unfamiliar with. It's healthy though to recognize your fears and face them head on. Step out of your comfort zone and commit to 15 minutes fully focused on the task you've been putting off. FlyLady says, "You can do anything for 15 minutes!" Chances are that by limiting the amount of time you feel committed to doing the dreaded task, the more likely you will keep on going until the task gets completed.

But what do you do when the backlog is so immense that you don't know where to begin? Break it down into baby steps. Write them down in a logical sequence and then schedule time for each one on your calendar. You'll probably never totally "catch up," but eventually you'll accomplish the important items on your list and either delegate or, if possible, skip the rest of them. Sometimes we're guilty of doing things that are not a priority and feel overwhelmed because we've over scheduled our lives.

Another way to reduce stress is to learn to relax. I think about work most of the time and have trouble "shutting off" that part of my brain. I have to force myself to relax, either by spending time alone (stretching, reading, praying) or spending time with family and friends. But when I do, I invariably enjoy the "downtime" and discover that I'm able to return to my work refreshed and rejuvenated with more mental clarity and an increased level of creativity. Now I have the added benefit of slowing down the aging process as well. Hey, I think it's time for another day off!

Treat Yourself Right: Take Time to Peel the Oranges!

2006-06-27T05:44:00.000-05:00

In my ongoing effort to lose weight, I've been noticing the difference between how thin people eat compared to those of us that are always trying to shed a few pounds. Here's what I've observed: When faced with cake, cookies, or chips, women who appear to be "naturally thin" are able to enjoy a bite or two and then stop while I, on the other hand, have great difficulty ignoring an open bag of M&M's. In fact, there's times of the month when I'll seek out my favorite comfort foods like a heat-seeking missile!

Did you ever notice how the experts alway say to keep that stuff out of the house? That's great if you live alone, but I have four teenagers. What am I to do? That mere fact alone can send me to the nearest stash of chocolate chip cookies!

Truth be told, I actually prefer a fresh piece of fruit to a Girl Scout Thin Mint, but I'm lazy. The other day the remains of a box of thin mints lay open on the counter (already raided by one of the kids) right next to an orange. While the orange actually looked more appetizing, I finished off the last couple of cookies because who's got time to peel and slice an orange? I know, I know...that quality of life stuff. If I'm going to treat myself right and enjoy my life, I have to learn to take time to peel the oranges!

Is Soya Your Weapon Against Fighting Menopause Blues?

2006-06-26T13:31:00.000-05:00

Research conducted by a team at All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS) has shown that women can handle the post-menopausal syndrome better if they consume more soya.

Menopause, a transition time for women in their 40's and 50's, occurs when estrogen production falls below a certain level and ovulation stops. The changes associated with menopause can lead to increased risk for cardiovascular disease, high cholesterol, blood pressure, osteoporosis, and joint aches. This study brings hope to millions of women worldwide who go through the blues in the middle of their life. Since soya contains a high level of phytoestrogens, which are related in structure to estrogens, they are useful in reducing post menopausal symptoms like chest pain, hot flashes, aches, vaginal dryness and mood swings.

What has worked for you in combatting menopause symptoms?

Is It Time To Make Some of Those Big Life Changes?

2006-06-26T11:00:00.000-05:00

Are you fed up with your overstuffed schedule, poor eating habits, and "living to excess?" If so, it's time for a change! Start by making a list of all the things in your life that you're sick of -- running through the drive-thru, working weekends, going out every night with friends, not having any time to yourself. Now turn these negatives into positive statements: "I want to plan healthy meals, " "I want to relax and enjoy my weekends," or "I want to carve out time in my schedule for spending time alone."

Next you need to create a strategy for implementing some of these changes one step at a time:

Cancel weeknight social activities in an effort to simplify your schedule
Say "no" to weekend work requests to cut down on your time at the office
Create room in your schedule for a healthy amount of sleep
Carve out time for daily exercise to boost your metabolism and energy level
Make plans to meet a friend for breakfast on Saturday morning
Take a Sunday afternoon to visit a museum or walk through an art gallery
Schedule a facial or massage and start taking care of yourself
Practice caution in not overpacking your schedule with activities intended to achieve life-enriching goals

Finally, focus on the benefits you will start to experience as you begin to implement each of these changes. Expect some obstacles, but don't give up. It will be worth it in the long run. And you don't have to make all these changes overnight! Pick one and work on that until it's part of your lifestyle. Then move onto the next one. Success breeds success.

What lifestyle changes have you incorporated into your life lately?

Is Your College Graduate Moving Back Home?

2006-06-26T09:22:00.000-05:00

According to a 2006 MonsterTrak survey, 48 per cent of all students will find themselves knocking on their family's door come graduation. Additionally, 44 per cent of last year's graduates are still living with their parents. With astronomical tuition costs, credit card debt and the high cost of housing in major metropolitan areas, what's a new college graduate to do?

If you're in this situation, www.boomerangnation.com offers these tips:

Set a move-out deadline: Before they move in, make sure to set a departure date. Otherwise, you will become frustrated and your son or daughter may become unmotivated to move out on his or her own.
Avoid the temptation to baby them: Encourage your graduate to take on household responsibilities like fixing the computer or cooking dinner.
Don't put your life on hold: Carry on with your day-to-day activities as you normally would or risk resentment setting in.
Discuss goals with your graduate: Saving for a downpayment on a house, starting a business, finding a job, and eliminating debt are all good reasons for your son or daughter to move back home. You should discuss these goals with him or her and work together to make them a reality.
Charge rent: Whether it's $50 or $300 a month, it's important that your son or daughter contributes to the household. If you feel guilty accepting cash, invest the funds and present the money as a gift once he or she is ready to move out.

Do you have more tips for surviving and thriving while having your adult child live at home?

Are You Faced With the Role of Dual Care Giver?

2006-06-25T11:41:00.000-05:00

A recent study says that the sandwich generation of women in their forties and fifties who are caught between the demands of holding down a job and looking after a younger or older relative will rise by 50 percent by the year 2020.

Children and adults are more likely to know their grandparents and great-grandparents, unlike previous generations. But more women are taking on the role of dual care giver -- looking after both children or grandchildren and elderly relatives at the same time. This is putting a huge strain on the 'have it all' generation of women who were supposed to be experiencing more personal freedom and greater wealth than their mothers and grandmothers.

Research shows that women caught in this role of dual care giver are being seriously impacted -- both physically and mentally. They are reporting lower satisfaction with their lives and a reduced level of well-being.

So what's the answer? Please share if you've had a positive experience in this role of dual care giver or the specific struggles that you're facing in this role.

Top 10 Household Challenges

2006-06-25T11:12:00.000-05:00

A new survey commissioned by SCOTT Brand papertowels shows 53 percent of Americans are looking for simple, quick and easy solutions to life's everyday challenges. The national survey set out to identify the country's top 10 household challenges. Topping the list? Finding enough space for everyday necessities.

So what are the Top 10 Household Challenges? Here they are:
1. Finding space for all of the things you need (54%)
2. Saving money on everyday items (48%)
3. Finding time to clean/organize (47%)
4. Incorporating exercise into your lifestyle (44%)
5. Keeping track of your spending (41%)
6. Keeping kitchen/bathroom countertops clean and clutter-free (40%)
7. Getting family/household members to keep their space neat and clean (39%)
8. Finding time for yourself (37%)
9. Keeping books/bookcases/shelves/knick-knacks from getting dusty (32%)
10. Working fruits and vegetables into your own/family's diet (30%)

Now through Aug. 15, people can submit a video to Scott demonstrating their solution along with an essay explaining, in 50 words or less, what inspired them to share and discover solutions.

What about you? What is your biggest household challenge?

Is Midlife Really the "Best Years of Your Life?"

2006-06-25T10:59:00.000-05:00

Midlife now is believed by some experts to be the happiest time of adult life. "From age 30 to 50, life only gets better and better," says Ron Kessler, professor of health care policy at Harvard Medical School. "These are the best years of their lives."

According to a recent article, young adults are consumed with life's big decisions - starting a career, getting married, having children - while those over 75 are plagued by failing health and fears about nearing the end of their lives. People at midlife (technically 38 to 55 years old) are usually more settled, typically married, and in many cases, their children are grown or nearly grown. They have more free time and more money.

What's your opinion? Is midlife the time of turmoil that it's typically noted for or are these the best years of your life?

You Want To Stay Connected After the Kids Leave the Nest?

2006-06-24T23:20:00.000-05:00

Turn off the TV and tune into each other!

There's no doubt that menopause, midlife crises and major life changes (like transitioning to an empty nest) can put extra pressure on relationships. The trick is to accept these changes and find new ways of interacting with each other.

Wives are guilty of underestimating how important sex is for their husbands who by nature access their emotions through physical intimacy. Without regular romantic interludes, husbands become emotionally withdrawn.

Likewise, husbands frequently fail to recognize how important conversation is to helping their wives feel "connected." When they don't pay enough attention to their wives, it isn't necessarily a sign that the relationship is over. It has merely fallen asleep and needs to be woken up!

Midlife is the time to rediscover the joy of being together. Find a project that you can both get involved with. Plan a vacation together. Pick up a new hobby that you both will enjoy. What did you do when you were dating or before the kids came along? Cook a gourmet meal together. Read to one another. Rent a tandem bike or a canoe and embark on an afternoon adventure. Rekindle the joy of being in one another's company!

Share your dreams with each other. If you are contemplating going back to college - either for a degree or just for the mental stimulation - let your husband know what your motivation is. He may be fearful that you're going to grow beyond him - or that you'll meet someone more intellectually stimulating than he thinks he is - and therefore will be unsupportive at first. Discuss his concerns and relieve his fears. He will become your number one fan if you make him part of your plans.

Don't let your relationship be a casualty of your midlife transition. Now that the kids have moved on with their own lives, this is an opportunity to give your marriage the attention it needs. Breathe new life into it and experience the wonderful, fulfilling relationship you always wished you'd had time for before.

What ideas do you have for staying connected at midlife?

Symptoms of a Midlife Crisis

2006-06-24T21:31:00.000-05:00

A midlife transition begins with small, nagging doubts followed by a series of dramatic, apparently irrational events that eventually lead to big changes.

During it all, women ask themselves questions such as: Is this all there is? Am I a failure? What is my purpose in life? This questioning stage, if not handled appropriately, can send you into a tailspin causing you to make choices you may later regret in a desperate effort to take back control of your life.

Symptoms and behaviors during midlife crisis can range from mild to severe, including:

boredom, exhaustion, or frantic energy
self-questioning (regrets, what if's)
daydreaming (like you're existing in parallel worlds at the same time)
irritability, unexpected anger (acting totally out-of-character)
acting on alcohol, drug, food, or other compulsions (taking irrational risks)
greatly decreased or increased sexual desire (remember being a teenager?)
sexual affairs, especially with someone much younger (an attempt to soothe your frail, aging ego by proving that you've still "got it")
greatly decreased or increased ambition (either boredom with work that you've always enjoyed or a sudden need to "prove yourself" before it's too late)

It's important as you navigate through this transition period to spend regular time contemplating your life. Accept and share your feelings with other women on a similiar journey. With acceptance, you can allow yourself to grieve losses. Also, by sharing your feelings, you can relieve fears and frustrations - and discover that you're not alone on this journey of growth and change.

Take heart. Coping with a midlife transition takes time and energy, however, it can help you make healthy changes to create greater satisfaction and pleasure in life.

Create Time for Self Care

2006-06-24T21:26:00.000-05:00

The most basic and precious tenet of self nurturing is to take time for yourself. Taking time off allows you to be more efficient when you return to the task at hand.

Relaxation is not a treat, it is necessary for your physical and emotional health. And if you value your time and set limits on what you do for others, others will value your time and treat you with more respect.

How many times do you feel frustrated because you are unable to find the time to do the things that are important to you?

Remember. You are in charge of your life. It may not always seem like it, but you do choose to be too busy or to be bored. I know that may not be a very comforting thought, but it is liberating one. Try to find the time to care for yourself. Make it a priority. Self-care will enrich your life immeasurably.

Share how you carve out time for self care in your life!

To see the complete article, go to: Straight From the Heart - Personal Growth - Ways to Self Nurture

Will I Survive Driver's Training?

2006-06-21T07:13:00.000-05:00

It's been about 30 years since I first slipped behind the wheel of a car. I don't remember it being all that traumatic. In fact, I can't remember much about driver's training at all except for taking the entrance ramp onto the highway for the first time.

This evening I had a flashback as I sat in the passenger's seat as my 15-year-old son took that initial foray into the world of fast-moving vehicles. It wasn't even planned. He wanted to visit a friend from church and asked if he could drive. It never occurred to me that he didn't know that meant taking two different highways to get there. When we approached the main road near our home, he asked, "Which way, Mom?" I indicated to turn right at which point he realized that we were taking the Interstate. He informed me that they hadn't ventured onto the highway yet in driver's training. I took a big gulp and said, "Well, there's a first time for everything." (Afterall, I was there when he took his first steps. Why shouldn't I be there to experience his first highway adventure?)

About half an hour later, I finally exhaled and turned to him in admiration. I was impressed! He had done a truly awesome job. I complimented him and he grinned from ear to ear. I don't know when I will get used to my children driving, but it certainly seems to be another milestone in their young lives. And why do they all have such different attitudes? My 17-year-old hates to drive and will avoid it whenever possible. My youngest son will be eligible to start driving next summer and my daughter two years after that. But like everything else, I'm learning to trust them and their ability to make good choices - most of the time!

Collision Repair Services Now Cater to Women

2006-06-19T20:38:00.000-05:00

Here's some really helpful information that I received from John Shattuck - my local body shop owner:

Did you know that over 65 percent of our customers in the collision repair industry are women? No, it does not mean they are bad drivers. It just means they have taken more control of the family’s auto needs. In the past decade, women have jumped into a role that the men previously dominated.

An increasing presence and buying power of women in the automotive industry is the result of a rise in the overall percentage of female drivers, while the overall percentage of male drivers is decreasing. Furthermore, research shows nearly half of new car purchases are made by women, and 53 percent of used-car sales can be attributed to women. In fact, Ford Motor Marketing reports that women influence 80 percent of all purchases and have 95 percent veto power regarding automotive purchases.

In most cases, females are more knowledgeable then male customers. The old way of thinking -that males make all the decisions regarding repairs on the family’s auto - is a thing of the past. Female customers are also more critical of the cleanliness of a body shop and the quality of the repairs on their auto.

Due to the fact over 65 percent of auto repair facilities customers’ are women, shops need to change their appearance and their attitudes toward their female customers. This is why many mechanical shops and collision repair shops have removed the calendars of half dressed women. They have removed the old car seats and car magazines in their waiting rooms and replaced them with magazines like People and Time. Offices and restrooms are cleaner and more comfortable too. The main reason for this is the female customer. Without their business, they would not have one.

If you're a woman at a repair shop, do not be afraid to ask questions. There are no dumb questions. Insurance claims can be complicated. The average person has a claim once every seven years. [Some of us a little more often.] In the auto world, six months is a long time. Auto mechanical repairs can be even more confusing. If you don’t feel comfortable with whom you are dealing with or are confused, don’t be afraid to leave.

If you have an insurance claim, always remember it is your car and your choice about where it is repaired. You may have it repaired at any shop you would like (at least according to Michigan state law, but I would presume other states have similar statutes.) Choose a shop where you are comfortable. And be sure that it's one that provides a lifetime warranty.

Thanks, John!

The Seasons of Life

2006-06-17T15:31:00.003-05:00

In Colin Milner's interview of David Wolfe, author of Ageless Marketing, he asks Wolfe, "How does personality development lead to changes in our behavior over time?"

Mr. Wolfe responds, "Our basic needs are determined by the season of life in which we live. We pass through four seasons: spring, summer, fall and winter. Each season has a primary developmental objective, survival focus and characteristic life story theme."

Here is how he defines each season of life:

Spring - this season prepares us for adulthood. The survival focus is play, because that is nature's device for enticing the young into modeling life and trying things. The life story theme is fantasy: everything will ultimately work in a person's favor.
Summer - the primary objective here is development of the social and vocational self. The survival focus is becoming someone, which is usually dependent on showing promise to others; thus, everything we do has that in mind-from what we wear to how we dress, the friends we keep and the activities we do. We subordinate much of ourselves to the external world to increase our opportunities for securing the social integration that makes us successful in relationships, and for gains in social status, getting jobs, job promotions and so on. The life story theme in summer is romantic, heroic: I can do anything I set my mind to.
Fall - this is the season that us midlifers are in. The primary objective is development of the inner self. As we come to the end of summer, we may feel empty because either we haven't done what we thought we were going to do or we have done even more, yet still feel empty. We now turn inward to perhaps examine our life purpose in a quest for fulfillment. The survival focus in fall or midlife is about being somebody. Becoming somebody has become less important than being somebody. This shift from an outer world focus to an inner self focus accounts for the infamous midlife crisis. We hear the inner voice knocking, saying, "Let me out!" But, we get confused as to what to do about it.
Winter - this is the final stage of psychological maturity. Our survival focus is reconciliation-making peace with it all. We begin to look at life retrospectively to make more sense of it, seeking to resolve the yin and the yang of life, the sweet and the bitter. We may ultimately conclude that there is usually a bit of good in every bad and vice versa, and thus find the peacefulness in our souls that we have long sought.

Do you agree or disagree with Mr. Wolfe's definition of each of the seasons of life?

Midlife: Time to Follow Your Own Rhythm

2006-06-16T17:42:00.001-05:00

Remember when you were a kid and you had to eat lunch at noon because it was "lunch time?" Or how about when you had a young family and your days were structured around your children's nap times or when they were in school?

Welcome to midlife! Guess what? You can follow your own rhythms now. Even with teenagers living in my house, I get up early and write before they are awake (it's summer so they're not in school). I may have a piece of fruit early in the morning, but I don't get really hungry until about 10am when I stop and take a break from my writing to eat a "real" breakfast. Then I'm on a roll again and often work right through lunch, not taking another break until mid-afternoon. By then, I'm ready for some exercise! I will frequently go rollerblading, or work out at the gym, or simply take a half-hour walk around my neighborhood. After working up an appetite, I come home and eat "lunch" even though it's much later in the day.

Some people work late into the evening and couldn't imagine going to bed before midnight. That's okay...they're following their own internal clock. If you are self-employed or have flexible work hours, you know the benefits of being able to follow your own natural rhythms. My husband also works from home and his summer afternoons are frequently spent with buddies on the golf course. It's okay because he works well into the night to compensate for his afternoon leisure time.

How about you? How often do you find yourself working late on a project, even when the clock says it's "quitting time?" Do you frequently skip meals because you're on a roll with your work? Don't let a mechanical clock tell you what to do. You're not in kindergarten anymore. If your body is crying for a nap, take one. If you have a creative urge in the middle of the night, don't squelch it. Give into it! Midlife is the time in your life when you get to work according to the inner promptings of your body and spirit. Go with the flow and find the illusive life balance you've been searching for!

Do We Need Leisure Time?

2006-06-16T17:42:00.000-05:00

What activities have you done in the past month - just for the fun of it?

Make a list.

Review it.

Do you use your leisure time to refresh and rejuvenate yourself or to "just kill time?" Do you take leisure time naturally or is it something that you have to force yourself to do? Can you carve out at least half an hour a day for fun? Why not? What are your excuses? Leisure time is proven to increase your energy, improve your concentration, refresh your attitude, and make you more productive when you return to work. Wouldn't that be a valuable use of your time even though it might seem as though you're doing 'nothing?'

Here's a list to get you started:

Lay in a hammock and stare up at the sky (one of my personal favorites!)
Play with your dog or cat - borrow a neighbor's pet if you don't have one of your own
Go for a bike ride or rollerblading with a friend
Blow bubbles - the kind you played with as a kid
Buy a box of crayons and color a picture
Get a facial, massage, or pedicure
Read a book at the park
Work a crossword puzzle
Watch people walk by in a public place
Put on some upbeat music and dance all by yourself
Visit a local museum and spend all your time at just one or two exhibits
Practice some yoga positions - stretch and get the kinks out
Meet your spouse for middle of the day lovemaking
Flip through a magazine or other reading material unrelated to work
Go to a matinee - all alone if you've never done that before
Read the funny cards in a cardshop and let yourself laugh
Write a poem or a handwritten note to a long-distance friend
Make a list of the 100 things you want to do before you die
Visit a neighborhood of garage sales
Browse in a library or book store
Scrapbook or start a stamp collection
Draw a floor plan of your dream retirment home
Rearrange your furniture or clean out a junk drawer
Sew on a button - be conscious of your breathing
Weed your garden - be mindful of the sights and sounds around you
Browse in an antique mall - imagine the people that once used these items
Relax in a bubble bath and listen to relaxing music

Share your favorite leisure time activities!

6 Tips for Coping With Splitting Up

2006-06-14T09:51:00.000-05:00

My heart truly breaks when I hear stories (all-too often) of another couple splitting up. Separation and divorce are believed to rank second only to death of a spouse in terms of stress levels. If you're in the midst of a split right now, you're likely going through the emotional stages of grief: shock, protest, guilt, anger, hope, inferiority, depression, loneliness, and finally acceptance.

Here are six tips for coping:

Recognize that you're not the first person to experience this pain and suffering. Remember the old saying, "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger?"
Express your feelings. Talk it through with those you're closest to. Cry. Journal. Find excuses to laugh. Watch a funny movie just to release some of the tension.
Understand what went wrong. Learn from it. Don't spend a huge amount of time over-analyzing, but try to take away the lessons to be learned from your loss.
Fill the emptiness. Find projects to work on. Take a trip. Volunteer. Get involved in life outside your own little world.
Keep things in perspective. Challenge negative thoughts. Write them down when they occur and look for the positive perspective. Read uplifting literature. Listen to stories that will inspire you. Give your friends permission to help you "police" your negative comments.
Table tough decisions. Avoid making any major decisions when you are really upset. Give yourself the time and space to clear your head and think straight before deciding important issues like where to live.

I truly wish that no one had to go through the agony of divorce, but for those that have no other choice, you will make it! It won't be easy, but life will go on and you will experience joy again.

First Rock'n'Roll Festival (1967)

2006-06-14T09:40:00.000-05:00

Here's a little trivia for you: Today is the anniversary of the first rock'n'roll festival, the Monterey International Pop Festival, that took place in 1967. According to reports, 50,000 people turned out to listen to Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, The Who, Ois Redding, The Byrds, Jefferson Airplane, the Grateful Dead, and The Mamas and the Papas.

Remember the late '60s? The Vietnam war was escalating as were the war protests. The youth of that generation were redefining our culture and rock'n'roll was a major contributor. What memories do you have of that era?

Today I Picked Up My New 'Baby'

2006-06-14T09:36:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not talking about a child, or even a new pet. I just purchased my first laptop computer! Don't laugh, but I named her Isabella -"Izzy" for short! I was tired of being tied down to my desktop computer when I wanted to enjoy the summer weather that's all too short here in Michigan. Now I can write from my deck, sitting in the sunshine and enjoying the chirping of the birds. Also, I can take Izzy on the road with me when we're traveling later this summer. Wherever there's a wireless network available, I'm in business!

Vickie Milazzo: Inside Every Woman

2006-06-14T09:31:00.000-05:00

Last night, I had the pleasure of interviewing Vickie Milazzo as part of our Midlife Career Change teleseminar series. If you weren't able to join us, here are a few tips that Vickie shared:

Spend at least 5 minutes alone every day. I personally think this should be a minimum of 20 minutes alone daily! Vickie said that no matter where she is in the world, she sets her alarm to get up 30 minutes before her day officially starts so she can have "morning tea time" to think, get connected with herself, and reflect on her day.
Let go of the "feel good" addictions. This would include checking your email before focusing on your highest payoff activities. I am guilty of this myself and have renewed my commitment to working on the important activities (like writing) before replying to all of the emails I receive every day.
Celebrate the small wins. Vickie reminded us that we shouldn't wait for the "big" wins before we stop to celebrate. Every incremental step deserves to be recognized and fuels our motivation. Vickie says that if she has to work all day on a Saturday, she treats herself to a nice meal out on Saturday evening. Make a list of ways to celebrate your small successes!
Solve a problem. When women are looking for a business opportunity, the key to discovering a great idea is to find a solution to a problem that plagues a large number of people. Use your skills and expertise to help others. Find something that's important to you - that's not selfish and that makes you happy - and go for it! Believe in your dream and take action every single day.
Connect with other women. That's right...surround yourself with positive, like-minded women that can help you grow and encourage you to take the next step. Help each other achieve your biggest, most audacious goals!

5 Ways to Set Up A Home Office

2006-06-13T05:57:00.000-05:00

In a world of laptop computers, wireless Internet connections, cellular phones, efax, and virtual assistants, it's becoming increasingly easy to run a multi-million dollar business from your own home.

Here are a few ideas for carving out workspace for your home office:

Spare Bedroom or Den. This is the most obvious choice for a home office, but not everyone has the luxury of this extra space.
Under the Stairs. You can also carve out space on an enclosed porch or a hall closet.
Multi-shelf Rolling Cart. Use it to store all your office needs and pull it up next to the kitchen table. When you're not working, roll it away in a pantry or closet.
Armoire. Choose either a contemporary or traditional style based on your home decor and use it as both storage and a workspace. When in use, pull up a nearby chair and let it function as a desk. When not in use, close the doors!
Bookcase. Visually separate your work area from the rest of a larger room (or even the end of hallway) by setting a tall bookcase perpendicular to the wall. It will provide a cozy nook for your workspace as well as offer storage for your files, office supplies, and a special photograph. Utilize decorative boxes, wicker baskets, and magazine holders for attractive display of your office needs.

No more excuses! You can set up your next profitable business venture right in your own home!

25 Ideas for Trying Something New

2006-06-12T19:24:00.000-05:00

Step out of your comfort zone and try something new! What have you wondered about doing in the past, but haven't had the courage to try? Aim for something small that you can accomplish in a single day. Get in the habit of trying something new on a regular basis. Each successful experience will build your confidence and motivate you to try something else!

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Make an appointment to try a new hair color and/or new hair style -- or get extensions!
Visit your local car dealership and test drive the sports car of your dreams.
Schedule a hot air balloon ride for you and a special friend.
Visit a clothing store you don't normally go to and try on clothes that represent the new YOU!
Buy a pair of designer jeans or fun "pointy-toe" shoes.
Try on some bold fashion jewelry that you wouldn't normally wear.
Rent a kayak and spend the day on the river or local lake.
Sign up for dance classes.
Dine at a restaurant alone and fully enjoy the experience.
Park your car and take a bus somewhere -- just for the fun of it!
Take the day off and walk through a botanical garden or art museum.
Visit one of the popular "naked" clay art studios and tap into your artistic self.
Visit your local library and find a book about something that you would normally never read -- biography, historical fiction, or a science book -- expand your horizons!
Start your own blog!
Enter a story, poem, or article in a writing contest or submit it to a local magazine.
Check out classes at a local college or community education class and sign up for something new.
Take a "do-it-yourself" class at Lowe's or Home Depot and learn how to lay ceramic tile, repair a leaky faucet, or give your bathroom a fresh coat of paint.
Go someplace with a friend and sing karaoke!
Go line dancing -- or salsa, or ballroom -- whatever is new, different, and sounds like fun!
Find a local Mary Kay representative in the phone book and schedule a makeover.
Volunteer for a day at a school for special needs children and discover the joy of working with these kids.
Send a letter to the editor about a local issue that is important to you.
Make a point of greeting every sales clerk, delivery person, waiter or waitress, receptionist, and cashier you encounter today by their name and ask how they're doing. A smile goes a long way!
Go fly a kite, ride a bike, go skating, or anything else you haven't done since you were a child. Buy some crayons and color a picture of your dream. There's nothing like big, chunky crayons to bring out the creative spirit of a child in you!
Open a bank account and name it your "dream fund." Set aside a little money from every pay check to use to make your dreams come true.

Whatever it is, dream it and DO IT!! Enjoy!

Meeting An Online Date

2006-06-12T12:57:00.000-05:00

More and more women I've talked to are using the Internet to meet Mr. Right. Online services like eHarmony.com are making this an increasingly attractive option, but how can you safely meet someone that you've encountered online?

Here are a few tips that I picked up from Peter Walsh, professional organizer from TLC's hit series, Clean Sweep:

Get a picture or two immediately. There's no sense in going forward if he's not your type!
Be restrained in deciding when to reveal your email address and phone number.
Meet as soon as possible, ideally after only four to six email messages and a phone call. Late-night marathon sessions of pouring your heart out online can make strangers feel like soul mates.
Be honest -- you won't have to clean up things later.
Share details of your life judiciously.
Arrange to meet in a neutral location that's well-lit and full of people. Don't give out your address and don't drive together.
Meet for coffee on the first date, rather than dinner. If you know immediately that this person is wrong for you, you can exit quickly and painlessly.
Enlist someone to help. Have a friend stay close-by or even consider introducing the friend and get her feedback later.
Shut up and listen. Pay attention to things that don't feel right. If your date refuses to discuss past relationships or family, you've probably got trouble. One gal shared that she had to call her date to reschedule and ended up talking to his wife!
Assess your overall compatibility with your date, not just your suitor's physical appearance. Do you like the person? Is his emotional baggage a carry-on or a steamer trunk? Does he listen to you or just wait until it's her turn to talk again?

After you've met, share your findings with family or trusted friends, and listen to their feedback. They're concerned for you and your happiness. Pay attention to their comments; most likely they'll offer invaluable insight. If you decide that you two would be a good match, take it slow. Give yourselves time to get to know one another before you make any serious commitments.

The Five Love Languages

2006-06-11T22:04:00.000-05:00

It seems that I've been recommending The Five Love Languages a lot lately. In print for almost 15 years, this relationship classic by Gary Chapman continues to help improve relationships with the ones we love -- whether husbands and wives, parents and children, or close friends -- this book's wisdom has stood the test of time.

Dr. Chapman has identified the five ways in which each of us speak and receive love. They are:

Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Quality Time involves focused attention on the other person -- maintaining eye contact, active listening, and resisting the urge to multi-task. I mention this one first because it's my own love language. After 20 years, my husband has finally figured out that spending time with me (not while reading the newspaper or working on the computer) is the best way to make me feel loved. Of course, I enjoy all the other love languages as well, but quality time is the one I can't live without.

Some people prefer Words of Affirmation as a way to be shown love. Telling your spouse how much you appreciate them, encouraging them, and general words of praise and acceptance all show your love. One of our close friends identified words of affirmation as his love language because he recognizes that it was the one thing he didn't receive from his father while growing up. Knowing this, his wife is able to keep his love tank full.

If Gifts is your spouse’s love language, then you need to understand that for them, gifts are not simply material objects — they are expressions of your love. My youngest son thrives on gifts. It doesn't matter the size or cost, just knowing that I thought about him and made a special effort to pick out something he would enjoy really fills up his love tank.

If your spouse’s love language is Acts of Service, they will appreciate your help more than anything. This is my husband's love language. For years we didn't understand this and I would want him to come sit on the sofa with me after dinner, but he would be busy cleaning up the dinner dishes. I know, most women would think this was wonderful (and I have grown to appreciate this in him), but for me, it was more important that he come spend time with me. However, just as he has learned the importance of spending time with me, I now understand how much acts of service speak love to him and I intentionally think of things I can do for him.

Finally, for some people, Physical Touch is their love language. Please note that this is "non-sexual" touch. A simple touch on the arm, hug or backrub will convey your love to them. One author confessed how much she enjoys her husband's hand on the small of her back when they're walking. It makes her feel special. One of my older sons has always responded well to physical touch. Even now as a young man, he asks for a hug every time he sees me.

"I am convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile," concludes Dr. Chapman. "Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse's primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage."

If you're looking to improve your relationship with someone you love, you must read this book! There have been several spin-offs over the years as the original was written exclusively about the marriage relationship, but once you read and understand the concepts you can apply them to any relationship.

Midlife Students Increasing on College Campuses

2006-05-19T20:41:00.000-05:00

Who says you're too old to go back to school? A 78-year-old woman from Detroit earned her college diploma at the youthful age of 71! Mildred Meriwether lost her two daughters within two short years and used her grief as the impetus to get the degree in social work that she'd always wanted, but had been too busy to pursue.

Ms. Meriwether is not alone. Over 50 percent of the students in American colleges, universities, and trade schools are 'non-traditional' students -- and an increasing number of them are 40- and 50-year-olds. Midlife students site increased career opportunities, thrill of discovery, and renewed personal confidence as reasons to hit the books again. It all begins with an innate desire to learn and a strong sense of curiosity. "Education is not about the acquisition of knowledge," says educational author, Dr. Gan Siowck Lee. "It's about the development of the mind."

Colleges are recognizing this growing trend of older students and many are going out of their way to accomodate their needs by offering quiet dorms, weekend classes, and separate commuter lounges where they can meet and connect with other older students. Some even offer on-campus day care. Yet these schools are still hard to identify. Carlette Hardin, author of 100 Things Every Adult College Student Ought to Know, recommends plugging "nontraditional student" or "adult learner" into a university website to see what kinds of resources pop up. She says, "If you see links, that means they've thought about it."

Whether you want to change professions, earn a promotion, or re-enter the workforce after staying home to raise young children, you will discover the experience of returning to school is both challenging as well as deeply rewarding.

An excellent list of what Adult College Students Should Know (pdf format) was excerpted from Professor Hardin's book and compiled by Gary Rapp, Director of Adult Student Services, Wichita, Kansas.

'To-Do' Lists: Archaic Time Management Tool?

2006-05-19T14:08:00.000-05:00

Throw away my 'to do' list? You've got to be kidding! But that's exactly what Jim Bird, founder and CEO of WorkLifeBalance.com, says to do. "To-do lists are an out-of-date time management tool," writes this time management expert. "They create inefficiencies and add to your frustration and stress in life."

I couldn't disagree more! I know some of you thrive on your PDA's and Blackberry's, but I have a simple system that consists of a 3-ring notebook simply labeled, "Project Management Notebook." This is where I keep an ongoing master list of all my thoughts, ideas, must-do's, and anything else I can think of. Basically, it's a depository for my "brain-dump" and a singular location for all those ideas scribbled on Post-it notes, napkins, and used envelopes.

At the end of every month, I review my list and categorize all my random thoughts and ideas by subject: website, marketing, coaching, publicity, speaking, product development and writing projects. Since I'm also a wife and mother, personal items sometimes creep into my business to-do-list, so I have a separate category for home and family as well. I put a little red dot next to anything I want to accomplish in the next 30 days and create a much shorter list for the upcoming month. Then daily I take out a blank index card (very inexpensive) and write down what my focus is going to be for that day. When I review my master list at the end of the next month, I re-evaluate any items that have more than one red dot after them. If they stick around for more than a few months, I'm probably never going to do them and cross them off the list too.

I realize that this is not the most sophisticated system in the world, but it works for me. I'm able to write down brilliant ideas as I think of them (yes, I do have those once in a while), even if I'm not able to implement them for another 6 to 12 months. I've tried the fancy day planners and even a couple failed attempts with a PDA, but they never worked the way my brain thinks. Maybe I'm all alone out there, but a to-do-list is still an efficient and effective tool for me.

I'd love to hear your comments!

By the way, if you'd like to read Jim Bird's full article, you can find it at End Procrastination: Throw Away Your To Do List and Learn Good Time Management Techniques.

40-Year Old Teacher Pursues His Passion

2006-05-19T10:40:00.000-05:00

Millions of viewers watched intently last night to see if Ed Hall (my personal favorite) would be crowned ABC's First American Inventor. The pot of gold (or in this case, a check for a million dollars) was finally awarded to Janusz Liberkowski for his Spherical Safety Seat, but Hasbro recognized the genius behind Ed's electronic table-top word game - the Word Ace - and offered him the resources and support of their marketing department to get Word Ace out on the shelves -- maybe even in time for this coming holiday season!

What inspired me about this show in general (and, no, I never watched it's predecessory, Amerian Idol) was that we were witness to ordinary people following their dreams. With each episode, we heard story after story of personal sacrifice that these inventors went through to get them their two minutes in front of four judges who would decide whether they went on to the next level or back home to try something new. Even the ones that seemed pretty far-fetched were examples of what's possible if you combine creativity and perseverence.

What's your dream? What have you thought about, but haven't yet taken the first step towards seeing it happen? Or maybe you have been pursuing your dream for a long time, but keep running into obstacles. Don't give up! Pursue your passion. Each setback is one more stepping stone to figuring it out. Who knows? You may even be on the next American Inventor!

May 19 is National Bike-to-Work Day

2006-05-19T07:47:00.000-05:00

When was the last time you rode your bike anywhere, much less to work? I have to confess that up until two years ago when Steve and I went to Mackinac Island (where motor vehicles are prohibited), I hadn't been on a bike since highschool. I know, pretty lame, huh? After entertaining our friends with a few hesitant and wobbly circles of the hotel parking lot, I got back the feel of it and off we went! It really is true that you never forget how to ride a bike!

We are fortunate to live near a beautiful bike trail that I have since visited several times with my bike -- although I admit that I prefer my inline skates! But to ride your bike to work seems unrealistic. I do know several guys that ride to work daily (even in our cold and snowy winter climate here in Michigan), but c'mon, they're guys! Do you see a woman in her dress-for-success business suit, perfectly coifed hair, and stilettos pumping a bike? To be fair, not all jobs require such attire, but the hair? The make-up? The (how shall I put it?)...underarm freshness??

According to an Associated Press article, "To stay in shape and keep the pounds off, many boomers are forgoing running and turning to bicycling." Frankly, bad knees from years of running, skiing, and other strenuous exercise is leading boomers to cycling which is gentler on the knees. Recognizing this trend, a growing number of bicycle manufacturers and retailers are doing more to reach out to boomers.

However, as roadways and bike trails become increasingly complex and congested, do you know all you need to know to safely ride a bicycle? The League of American Bicyclists, the official site for National Bike Month, has just produced a new brochure to promote bicycle education.

People ride bicycles for all sorts of reasons, from better health to saving money on fuel. Additionally, bicycling helps the environment, allows you to escape from the endlessly clogged American roads -- and, "It's a lot of fun!" claims a 57-year-old devoted convert. "It makes me feel like a kid again."

So whether you actually bike-to-work or find more leisurely reasons to ride, it's a good reminder to all of us to dust off our bikes and get moving!

Are "Midlife" and "Menopause" Interchangeable?

2006-05-18T10:53:00.000-05:00

I have lost count of how many times I've been asked the question, "How can I be having a midlife crisis if I haven't gone through menopause yet?" (or some variation of that concern). I have a few thoughts on the subject -- big surprise, right?

First of all, by today's standards, midlife consists of the time approximately between the ages of 40 and 60 (assuming that the majority of us can expect to live between 80 and 100 years). That doesn't mean that at age 35 you can't be experiencing a "midlife transition" which, as the name implies, is the period of time during which you become aware that you're moving into the next stage of your life. Afterall, we have the terms, "adolescence" and "pre-adolescence" to describe the transition from childhood into young adulthood. Likewise, some women may not go through an awareness that they've moved to the next stage of life until they're well into their forties.

So what does all this have to do with menopause? According to the National Women's Health Resource Center, normal menopause can occur any time between the ages of 40 and 58, although the average age is 51.4. By this point in your life, you're already in the middle of what is typically thought to be the "midlife years." Now please don't misinterpret that to mean that I think someone over age 60 is old -- certainly not! I think that we need to come up with new terminology to more clearly define the group of individuals in their 60's and 70's with that of people in their 80's and 90's. In fact, we have many more centurians among us than we did 100 years ago when the average life expectancy was something like 48! Lumping everyone into the category of "seniors" just doesn't cut it anymore!

To emphasize my point, a few weeks ago I was speaking at the Passages Center for Women's Health annual retreat. One of the morning breakout sessions was offering a brief introduction into line dancing. Later, during lunch, they entertained us with the dance they had learned. To my delight, one of the participants was an 82-year-old woman. She was visibly fit and it was so inspiring to see her totally uninhibited and having the time of her life! Isn't that great? We don't have to fit into age-old sterotypes anymore of what older age needs to look like!

But back to menopause: How long does it last? How do you know if you're in it? Are there tests that can tell you that you've "arrived" at this stage in life?

According to an article published by the National Women's Health Resource Center, symptoms may include:

Hot flashes and night sweats
Irregular periods
Problems sleeping
Headaches
Mood swings
Vaginal dryness

While other symptoms may be present, these are the most common. The complete article can be found at: Could I Be In Menopause?

So how did "midlife" ever become synonymous with "menopause?" I think it's due to the fact that previous generations failed to recognize that women actually go through a midlife transition. My father's mother simply went to bed for five years because support for women in a midlife crisis didn't exist! It was simply referred to as, "Oh, Mother is menopausal." Menopause technically only lasts for one day!

In my previous post, An Open Letter to A Midlife Husband, I discussed how ours is the first generation where women have the freedom and the voice to acknowledge and express their own feelings and discontentment. With that freedom, however, comes responsibility. We can't just walk out on our lives without any consideration for how it might affect those closest to us. What we can do is use our "rights" responsibly to make constructive use of these midlife years. Embrace them! Use the time of midlife transition to make positive changes in your perspective, carve out stimulating careers, and gratifying relationships. Use your freedom to transform into the woman you were meant to be and not someone else's idea of who you should be.

Whether you're pre- or post-menopausal, use your own emotional strength, inner courage, innate creativity, and amazing intelligence to discover the best about yourself and then find ways to put it to work helping others. The best is yet to come!

And by all means, enjoy the journey!

Christine

The Spa Experience: Relaxing or Stressful?

2006-05-17T13:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I visited my local salon for my monthly touch up of my roots. (No, I'm not gray, but I never got used to the dark color my hair turned after my pregnancies.) Before my hair treatment, however, I had made an appointment for a facial. Two years ago, this would have stressed me out. What will she do? Do I have to undress? Which mask should I choose? Now, I'm happy to say, facials have become a regular part of my life. In fact, I frequently fall asleep during the neck and shoulder massage!

But for many women who have never given themselves permission to indulge in any type of spa experience, it can be a confusing, if not frightening event. Many of today's day spas have so many choices when it comes to massages, skin treatments, and even permanent cosmetics that the spa newcomer can get lost in a sea of terminology that she's never heard of before. Even simple manicures have turned into a barrage of options from acrylics to French manicures. But don't let it overwhelm you. This article by Paula Story of the Union-Tribune will shed some light on what to expect: "Say Spahhhh!"

The Double-Decker "Sandwich Generaton"

2006-05-17T12:13:00.000-05:00

I often refer to the phenomenon of the "Sandwich Generation," but for many of us, it's a Dagwood special double- or triple-decker sandwich!

While I'm in my forties and recently had the priviledge of caring for my 70-something year old mother as she recovered from hip replacement surgery last month, it's Mom who is taking care of my 95-year-old grandmother! In fact, it was due to Nana's congestive heart-failure last spring that prolonged my mother getting her hip replaced when the doctor first told her she needed it. Not wanting to put my grandmother in a nursing home (afterall, she'd been working full-time until her heart problems arose), my mother put Nana's needs before her own.

How many of us are experiencing this multi-generational occurrence in our lives?

The truth is that we're living longer and there's simply more generations on the ladder. As Abigail Trafford of the Washington Post points out, "Instead of one 'sandwich' generation to take care of dependent children and frail older relatives, there are now two vigorous generations in the middle -- young parents in their twenties, thirties and forties, and healthy grandparents in their fifties, sixties and seventies." Instead of expanding horizontally, we're now expanding vertically!

To read the rest of her article, go to: More Meat in the Middle

An Open Letter to A Midlife Husband

2006-05-17T09:33:00.000-05:00

Every week I receive phone calls and emails from concerned and sometimes distraught husbands who want to know what to do with their once sweet, loving wives who seem to have suddenly morphed into someone they hardly recognize. They're trying to save their marriages and I want to help. In fact, I have been working on an ebook called, "How to Survive Your Wife's Midlife Crisis!"

Following is a response to one gentleman's request for more information and insight into what he has been experiencing with this wife:

Dear Distressed and Confused,

You've already read Bring It On! so you know that I compare the midlife transition to the transition that we go through as we move from childhood to young adulthood. We go through a similar type of identity crisis, trying to figure out who we want to be for the rest of our lives. It makes us moody. We're uncertain about choices that we've made in the past and choices still to be made. We're discontent as we're sorting out our lives and all the possibilities.

We experience changing roles as our children are becoming more independent and moving on to lives of their own and our parents are suddenly like children now needing our care. Our bodies are changing and the hormonal changes are contributing to constant moodiness and changes in sex drive. (A lot of women find themselves suddenly thinking about sex all the time and fantasizing about people and situations that they never would have given thought to in the past.)

We have concerns about our own aging as we deal with the reality of our parents' illness or death. We start asking, "Is this all there is?" and strongly believe that there's more out there for us and don't want to miss out on the life that could be ours. As a result, we sometimes make rash decisions without thinking things through all the way and end up discarding relationships, careers, and other parts of our life that we later regret. Unlike adolescence, we're often dealing with emotional baggage that we realize we have to let go of if we're ever going to experience the kind of life that we truly desire.

Men have been going through classic midlife crisis for years. Ours is the first generation where women have the freedom and the voice to acknowledge and express their own feelings and discontentment. It's a mixed blessing.

With freedom comes responsibility. We've earned our "rights" but now we need to use them wisely. Most women eventually do. Some end up making irrevocable changes they later bemoan. Overall, it's my belief that women make constructive use of this time in their lives. They use it in a positive way to change their perspective, carve out stimulating careers, and gratifying relationships. They use their freedom to transform into the women they were meant to be and not someone else's idea of who they should be. When put to the test, most women are emotionally strong, creative, intelligent, human beings that discover the best about themselves and use it to help others.

Let me caution you however that this transition isn't going to be complete overnight. In fact, it could take a couple years! Be patient. I know that can be very hard to do sometimes when your wife may be acting irrationally and completely out-of-character, but she needs you right now (whether she knows it or not). This time is not about you. It's about the difficult task of trying to support her even when she may be rejecting you.

My heart goes out to guys in your situation. It truly does. But I can tell you from my own personal experience that the husband's attitude can make all the difference in the world between whether you're experiencing a more blissful marriage than you ever dreamed possible in a few years or whether you're divorced and still scratching your head and wondering what happened.

What not to do? Don't get angry and verbally attack her right now. This isn't about you. One thing you should never tolerate, however, is unfaithfulness. I don't know if this is an issue in your particular situation, but I mention it because it frequently comes up. Men ask if they should patiently stand by while their wife has an affair. Absolutely not! When this happens, I tell husbands to lovingly, yet firmly confront their wives and say, "I love you. I'm willing to forgive you and do my part to put our marriage back together, but I absolutely will not share you with another man. You have to choose." Most women that are married to "nice guys" will see the light and choose their husbands, but even then it's not easy. She has to agree NEVER to see the other individual again! Depending on how deep the emotional connection went, it will take some time for her to grieve the loss of the other relationship and put her focus and efforts back on rebuilding the life she has with you.

Most women act incredibly selfish during their midlife crisis. That's because they're totally consumed with themselves and the task of sorting out their life while continuing to balance the responsibilities of family, work, and other commitments. Some women can't take the strain and end up walking out on their other responsibilities while they do the important work of figuring out who they are and what they want to do with the rest of their lives. This is not a good thing and can have devastating effects on those around them, but it does happen.

Many women become totally consumed with their appearance and spend hours at the gym or the salon trying to hang on to their youth. Don't get me wrong! Exercise, good nutrition, and plenty of sleep are healthy lifestyle changes that many women need to make. Giving themselves permission to pamper themselves at a salon or spa is something many women have been denying themselves for way too long. I'm talking about an excessive attention to these areas. For most women, it's like a pendulum and they eventually find a happy medium.

Understand that whatever symptoms your wife might be exhibiting, the underlying theme is the same for all women: "Who am I? What have I done thus far with my life? What changes do I need to make to create the life I truly want?" Love her. Give her space. Support her. Don't try to figure it out for her. It's a dance. This time she's leading and you're trying to follow. Eventually you'll fall into a rhythm and you'll be celebrating each other's uniqueness while sharing your lives together. No matter what you may be going through now, there is hope!

One more thing - find a support system for yourself. You can't be strong for your wife unless you have some close (male) friends to confide in. Maybe it's family, maybe it's a buddy, but make sure it's someone that's going to support you in being there for your wife and not someone that is demanding you think about yourself. Although tempting, that kind of attitude will land you right in divorce court. Most women at midlife don't need any excuse for ending a relationship. Don't help by giving her one! Continue to develop your own interests and use this time for exploring your own life as well. You'll both come out on the other side much richer and better off for it.

Thanks for writing and let me know if you have any more questions. I'd love to hear your thoughts if you'd like to contribute your comments to the book I'm currently writing for husbands of midlife wives.

Warm regards,
Christine

Andrea Kay Shares Steps for Taking Control of Your Career

2006-05-17T07:43:00.000-05:00

Last evening I had the delightful pleasure of interviewing Andrea Kay, Cincinnati's "Best Career Counselor," as part of our Midlife Career Change Teleseminar Series. She shared how different life events can prompt people to start thinking about a new career. Maybe it's retirement from a job that you've held for twenty years, but you're not ready to quit working and desire something that more closely reflects your passions at this stage in your life. Maybe it's a close brush with death that makes you realize that you're not going to live forever and acts as the catalyst you need to carve out a career that is more stimulating. Or you might have simply lost your enthusiasm for your work and some internal clock is giving you the wake up call to start seeking a career that makes you jump out of bed in the morning in eager anticipation for another day!

Unlike a 30 minute sitcom where a woman decides in the flash of divine inspiration that her next career should be that of a wedding planner, reality is that for most of us career planning is a step-by-step process that takes time, deliberation, and a well-thoughtout process for outlining your career objectives.

Andrea highlighted those foundational steps for us from her new book, Life's a Bitch and then You Change Careers. After going through the process of defining your career objectives, Andrea revealed her insights into researching potential careers. Through library research, Internet searches, and interviewing people working in your targeted field, you can discover:

What's involved in the area you care about and appeals to you most
What kinds of jobs might exist in this area
What trends and issues surround the areas you care about
What's driving these areas in the direction they're going in
How all this matches up with your career objectives

Andrea cautioned, however, not to jump to premature conclusions without talking to a variety of different people and gathering several different perspectives. If you hear something negative about your targeted field, don't abandon the idea without checking it out. Talk to others and see what they have to say and then draw your own conclusion. But get all the facts first.

When you've finally figured out what you want to do, it's imperative that you ask yourself, "Why would the world care?" You need to be able to explain how someone would benefit from what you want to do. Andrea challenges, "What would contributing your most joyful skills, knowledge, passion and interests to your potential intended audience or entity lead to? What would it result in? Why would anyone care if you did it?"

Then you need to evaluate what changing careers will cost you in terms of time, energy, money, and freedom to get to the next step and go after what you want. There is no easy path. Whenever you choose one thing, you sacrific something else. It's at this point that many people face obstacles that Andrea refers to as "head demons." For instance, "What if I fail?"or "What if I can't afford to do this?" Others question whether they should just hold onto what they have in terms of security, status, finances, etc. Another concern is "What will others think?"

A big and very realistic obstacle for many people is finding the time to conduct a career change. It's not like when you were in your twenties and seemingly had all the time in the world. If you're over forty, you are most likely faced with balancing current job responsiblities, family responsiblities, and other commitments with your desire to explore new career options. The brutal truth is that there's never a good time. Andrea says, "You just have to break it down into small tasks and schedule them in like you do everything else in your life!"

If you have questions for Andrea or want to subscribe to her newsletter, visit Andrea Kay's website for a wealth of information to help you get out of your funk and on with your future!

As always, enjoy the journey!

Christine

Quilting and the Importance of Cultivating Friendships

2006-02-23T16:17:00.000-05:00

My cousin, Beryl, sends out a weekly letter to friends and family members about something going on in her life and her reflections on what she thinks about those observations. This week her letter was about her passion for quilting.

Beryl started quilting after she separated from her husband several years ago. She was very depressed at the time and needed something to help her feel she had value and worth. Since Beryl had always wanted to learn to make quilts, she joined a quilting group. Her son was six at the time, so her first quilt was for him (she figured he wouldn’t object to the mistakes that were bound to be apparent in her first quilting effort). She says that she enjoyed the whole process. Even the mistakes that she made and later had to rip out didn’t discourage her. Now quilting has become her passion.

Beryl quilts several hours most nights during the week and usually several hours on the weekends. She currently has about 10 projects going and struggles at times to decide which one to work on. She loves learning new techniques and seeing what other people are making. Thus, her quilt group.

Her quilt group meets the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of every month. She attends those meetings almost as regularly as church - which brings me to my own observation that we all need a regular support group. I’m sure Beryl’s quilting group didn’t form as a so-called “support group,” but they have served in that capacity for each other. For some women, it’s a book club, for others, it’s a walking group, and some connect strongly with a scrapbooking club, a Bible study group, or a volunteer guild that meets regularly. My grandmother belonged to a bridge club that met for over forty years!

The friendships that form in these ongoing gatherings are so important to us as women. It provides a safe, supportive environment to share what’s going on in our lives and the assurance that someone else cares. It gives you a sense of belonging, knowing that you are part of a community of women that won’t let you fall when you’re going through a turbulent time in your life. Belonging to a group of women with similar interests allows you to cultivate lasting relationships with individuals who will celebrate your small, but significant victories as you carve out a new life for yourself.

So what’s your passion? What motivates you and inspires you? What interests have you left unexplored because you are too busy with the daily demands of your life? Now is the time! Find a class. Join a club. Volunteer with an organization that you believe in their cause. You’ll be amazed at the special people that you will meet and how they will enrich your life – as well as finally devoting yourself to a passion that energizes you and gives your life meaning.

As my cousin, Beryl, says, “Find something you enjoy and start today!”

Can You Quit Smoking for One Day?

2005-11-17T11:28:00.000-05:00

Today, Thursday, November 17, is the annual Great American Smokeout organized by the American Cancer Society. For one full day, smokers across the country commit to going without a cigarette for a full 24 hours.

So what about you? Are you up for the challenge? I've never been a smoker myself, but I've talked to a number of women that confided that they wish they had the courage to quit. Like any habit you want to break, it's good to start with a list of reasons, benefits really, of changing your undesired habit. Possible reasons for quitting smoking could be:

Fear of serious illness and a painful, untimely death
Lingering colds and bronchitis
Chronic, nagging cough
Shortness of breath
Smell on hair, skin, clothes, furniture, and inside your car
Dulled sense of taste and smell
Hypertension
Dizziness or nausea from too many cigarettes
Yellowish skin, teeth and fingernails
Dry, chapped lips and scaly, dry skin
Feelings of shame around non-smokers
Time and money wasted by smoking
Smoking outside in bad weather
Cracking the car window in the rain
Driving others away when lighting up
Dry mouth and constant feelings of thirst
Feeling "exiled" in the smoking area

Now go through the list and turn all these negative consequences into the positive outcomes you'll experience when you do give up your habit. It's been reported that within just 20 minutes of quitting, your blood pressure decreases, your pulse rate drops, and the body temperature of your hands and feet increases. After 8 hours, the carbon monixide level in your blood drops to normal and the oxygen level in your blood increases to normal. Ater 48 hours, your nerve endings start regrowing and your ability to smell and taste improves. Within a few months, your lung function increases and you no longer experience shortness of breath, coughing, and sinus congestion. After a year of living smoke-free, your excess risk of coronary heart disease decreases to half that of a smoker. So what are you waiting for?

For further help, check out FreshStart™ -- a safe, guaranteed, craving-free way to become a permanent non-smoker without the need for willpower. If you are ready and serious about stopping smoking, you can join the thousands of people who choose to leave a dangerous habit behind and open the door to a healthier, happier, and longer life.

Why Bother Looking? Finding GOD in Your Seasons of Life

2005-11-16T20:12:00.000-05:00

A concept I talk about in Bring It On! Women Embracing Midlife is the tendency we have to live with a victim mentality. It’s so easy to blame others or our circumstances for why we’re not where we want to be in our life. But blaming serves only one purpose – making you feel like a victim. And a victim doesn’t have power over her own life.

One woman I know has every reason to live with a victim mentality. Instead of feeling sorry for herself, however, she’s not only risen above her own circumstances, but she’s helped hundreds of others create abundant lives filled with purpose. This woman is my personal friend, Lynn Jarrett, who has now authored a book titled, Why Bother Looking? Finding God in your Seasons of Life.

Yesterday, Tuesday, November 15, was her BIG worldwide BOOK LAUNCH! Why Bother Looking? made it to #8 on Barnes and Nobles' Bestseller List!

This doesn't surprise me at all. Lynn’s personal stories and others’ stories in her book, Why Bother Looking? draw you in to the struggles we have in our lives, and guide you through your seasons of life. Lynn’s work as a life/business coach and professional speaker helped her develop tools and steps for you to discover for yourself who God is to you and how that impacts your life.

A variety of life circumstances could have caused you to be disillusioned, disappointed, or even bitter and angry towards God. Maybe you grew up in an abusive home, you felt unloved by your parents, your spouse cheated on you, you have a child with special needs, you lost a child, you had a major business deal fall through, you’ve been laid off from a job, or possibly you’ve been diagnosed with a debilitating or terminal illness.

Any one of these circumstances could cause a negative impact on how you see God. Since midlife is often a time when we stop and reevaluate our view of God, I can’t recommend highly enough Lynn’s book for helping you sort through and let go of the painful memories of your past and finally experience the restoration and healing you might have given up all hope that you’d ever find.

Why Bother Looking? teaches you how to:

Find answers to life’s biggest problems
Increase your self-confidence
Find happiness and hope
Find life purpose
Manage life changes
Build confidence in your toughest areas of life
Be self-motivated to keep moving forward with your goals in life
See your life and experience of God in a completely new way

One of the bonus gifts Lynn offered on her BIG book launch was a FREE 45-minute teleseminar with me on Monday, December 5 at 8pm EST. This Creating Positive Change teleseminar is an introduction to some of the concepts taught in Bring It On! If you'd like to participate in the seminar, please send me an email with "Teleseminar" in the subject line and mention that you heard about it on my blog. Prior to the call, I will send everyone who is registered for the call an email with the bridgeline number and passcode. You will also receive a handout prior to the call in order to gain maximum benefit from the session. Again, this teleseminar is scheduled for Monday, December 5, at 8pm EST.

I hope you'll join us on this call. Feel free to invite friends as long as they pre-register! I have a limited number of lines available, so I want to make sure that I can accommodate everyone.

Top 10 Reasons for Returning to College

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You gain a sense of accompishment.
You meet others that are also pursuing new areas of interest.
You discover that subjects you once thought were boring now excite you.
You are able to share your real-life experience with traditonal age students.
You keep your mind active and alert.
You become more marketable and can expect higher compensation in the workplace.
You experience the thrill of discovering new things and being intellectualy stimulated.
You increase your confidence by successfully stepping out of your comfort zone.
You are energized by the new discoveries and relationships that you're expereiencing.
You inspire younger classmates -- even your own kids!

If you've ever given any thought to returning to college, this might be the time to go online or pick up the phone and find out what's available. Sign up for just one class to get your feet wet. Even if you don't need a degree to further your career, you can never go wrong with lifelong learning.

Baby Boomers Returning to School Bring Real-Life Experience to the Classroom

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What sets apart adult students, often in their 40's and 50's, from their younger peers? It's more than the amount of gray hair or wrinkles -- it's the richness of the real-life experiences that they bring to the classroom. Traditional age students often wonder how what they're learning is ever going to apply to the real world. Their more mature classmates are able to relate their studies to actual work-life experiences from their own life.

Although my return to academia was in my twenties after getting married and in the process of raising two children at the time, I do remember how much more relevant the material seemed after having spent a few years in the real world. Now women are raising children and grandchildren while holding down full-time jobs and earning a degree. Some want to change professions or earn a promotion. Others are looking to re-enter the work force after staying home to raise young children. Whatever the reason, these baby boomer students are motivated! Because of the need to juggle the responsibilities of caring for family and going to work, they place a higher value on the limited time they have for class and schoolwork.

An increasing number of colleges and universities are catering to these returning students by offering support groups, on-campus childcare, evening office hours, and commuter lounges. Some schools are even offering special services that teach computer skills to students who might be intimidated by the advancement in technology since their Corolla typewriter days.

Whether changing careers or seeking advancement in their current position, adult students are much more focused than their younger classmates. For one thing, a middle-age college student has already had time to explore who she is and what she wants to do with the rest of her life. With her eyes focused on the goal, she's going after it!

'Nontraditional' no longer applies to college students over 40

2005-11-08T13:09:00.000-05:00

The number of women over the age of 40 going back to school is increasing in record numbers. In fact, the so-called 'nontraditional' student accounts for over 50 percent of the students currently enrolled in America's colleges and universities. Whether they didn't have the opportunity to attend college following high school graduation, their higher education was interrupted to marry and raise a family, they aspire to advance their career, or they are interested in pursuing an entirely new career, financial independence is a key motivator for many women.

Education is critical because it enables you to pursue the career options you want in life. In fact, statistics project that 75 percent of future positions are expected to require at least some type of certification or licensing. Furthermore, professions that requre a bachelor's degree are projected to grow nearly twice as fast as the national average.

But the benefits of going back to school don't stop at increasing your earning power. Learning something new can be an invigorating experience that boosts your self-confidence and helps keep your brain young. Going back to school can also raise your self-awareness, develop your time management skills, set a good example for your children, and help you become more aware of the world around you.

Vacation Time Left on the Table

2005-11-07T22:22:00.000-05:00

With nearly 40 percent of U.S. employees working more than 50 hours a week, we're a nation that is out-of-balance. Yet according to a survey done by Expedia.com, Americans are so consumed with work that they don't take off the full amount of alloted paid vacation time that they're offered each year.

Vacations give us time off to relax and play with family and friends. These "time-outs" are important to the creative process and can actually help our productivity back on the job. More importantly, vacations help us to maintain our perspective on our life. If you're so caught up in the urgent matters of your work, you're likely to lose focus on what's really important to you.

Perry Marshall encourages people to, "Do something important today. Not what would seem important on a regular day, but what would seem important while you're getting a CAT scan."

Some women are using their vacation time to try out a new career. Vocation Vacations, founded by Brian Kurth, lets people test drive their dream job by matching clients with dozens of mentors in a variety of fields. Sometimes it ends up leading to an exciting new career, and other times it ends up being a nice break from your regular routine.

Other women have opted to take an adventure vacation with a group of like-minded women. Adventures in Good Company, founded by Marian Marbury, offers women guided tours backpacking the Appalachian Trail, rock climbing in a national park, bicycling the coast of Maine, kayaking in Baja, Mexico, horseback riding in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, or a variety of other equally fun and exciting adventures.

You may want to make reservations at a spa resort for a week of pampering or take a week of vacation and volunteer through a service organization. It may be helping out at an orphanage in Haiti or helping to rebuild homes in Mississippi or Louisiana after the recent hurricanes. One woman travels with a rock band, another raises money for AIDS relief by participating in a long-distance bike-a-thon.

Whatever you do, don't leave vacation time on the table. Use those times that your company gives you to rejuvenate and recharge your batteries. Even if you don't spend your vacation lying on a tropical beach, you'll find that the change of scenery will give you a fresh outlook and "make you enjoy life so much that everything fits into place."

Top 10 Indicators That Your Work Is Invading Your Life

2005-11-07T21:58:00.000-05:00

Is your life in balance? Here's a list of warning signs that it might be time to stop and reevaluate the amount of time and attention that you focus on your professional life:

You've missed many of your family's events because of work-related responsibilities.
You have no time for hobbies or outside interests.
You bring your cell phone, laptop, and work projects on vacation with you.
You can't remember the last time you took a day off to relax and do something just for yourself.
You have lost sight of why you chose your job/career because you are so stressed out.
You're getting signals from your husband and/or children that you're spending too much time focused on your work.
You feel as though you never have time to catch your breath before you have to move onto the next project or work-related crisis.
You are putting in a lot of overtime every week and really liking it.
You are feeling distant from your family and friends outside of work.
You spend all your time outside of work with clients and/or co-workers.

If any of these warning signs apply to you, it's time to stop and reevalute your priorities and see if some changes are in order.

Work/life balance no longer a concern?

2005-11-07T21:17:00.000-05:00

Work/life balance is no longer a concern? Says who? According to a recent survey of 1,000 employees from nearly 30 countries, nearly 50 percent of them believe they spend too much time at work, but only about 25 percent of them think it's enough of a problem to do something about it!

Interestingly, in Britian they're preparing for their third Work Your Proper Hours Day to encourage people to make the most of their off-work hours. Apparently, salaried persons are regularly putting in long hours of unpaid overtime. Only 27 percent of British workers claim to have a good work/life balance, so they ought to be looking forward to their upcoming February 24, 2006 day of freedom to reflect on their devotion to job and company above all else.

Here in the United States, we're not doing much better. Nearly half of the Americans surveyed felt their professional lives took up a considerable amount of time, but less than 20 percent said their private life is more important to them than work. Did you hear that? Four out of five people believe their work is more important to them than their personal time outside of the office!

Now I realize that 1,000 people is a relatively small sampling, but I can't help but wonder what's wrong with these people's priorities. No wonder so many are suffering from a midlife crisis! If you devote your whole life to your work, you are bound to wake up one day and realize that you've made some sacrifices along the way -- and some of them may not be sacrifices you really intended to make!

Welcome to The Midlife Journey!

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I'm so excited to be able to communicate with you informally about issues related to our adventure together as women. I hope you'll check back often as I discover new things to share with you.